No "hell of a" or "living hell" MAYBE just some "hell raising" involved in my fabulous year!

TELL THE TRUTH - JAN 9th

Truth. Lies.

Do you know the difference between what's true and a lie? This is a question they ask children before interrogating them. Yes, there are circumstances in which they do interrogate children. But if you're wondering they try to soften the blow by choosing to instead say they are "interviewing" the child. All and all this doesn't matter because what matters is that the child can distinguish between a truth and a lie.

Can you?

It's 9:47 pm at night. I've finished eating a spoonful of Peanut Butter because it's what my body wants. But is it really what my truly body wants or am I just lying to myself? By the time I've moved on to swallowing a gulp of Vanilla Almond Milk that unusual thought almost passes but not before I consider repeating another spoonful of Peanut Butter and instead I set down my glass.

Truth and lies. Something about lying makes me think of how little people really tell the truth:

I didn't ruin your pants by washing them in bleach and hot water.

I didn't leave the gate open letting the dog out.

I did do the dishes. But those ones weren't there when I finished.

You didn't. But you did. And you most likely you will do it again.

Why? Maybe humanity is pathological. Or maybe they are just lazy. I'm leaning toward pathologically lazy when I screw the cap back on the Peanut Butter and pour another glass of Almond Milk.

It's then I look up at the TV. The new digital thing that is resting on my wall. I didn't need the TV… But I did.

I really didn't… But I did.

It's a reminder of the worst way that people lie to themselves, yet I needed it. Rather wanted it.

But I won't really watch the TV…

LIAR!

But I really won't. At least not in the sense that you may think of television viewing.

Toss the knives… I can juggle them as well as throw them back now. And I never miss my mark.

But juggling knives won't make a difference when I say that I won't watch the TV. It's now playing and I'm writing with my back turned away from it. It's providing the most lovely background sound for my typing. Because…

I will listen to the TV most of the time.

And there's the truth and a lie.

You think I said I won't USE the TV.

I will use the TV.

I said I wouldn't watch the TV.

And I probably won't most of the time.

But I will USE the TV.

So the truth and the lie are they up to interpretation or are they truly the things we tell ourselves to make it alright for one more day?

Somewhere someone is lying to someone and someone is telling the truth.

When I think of the truth and the lie I stop to wonder if they can be the same thing. Can one person see things so differently that it is indeed a lie to another? It's then I realize that it must possible to have both the lie and the truth and never be without the other because people will never see things exactly the same.

I will listen to my TV.

You will think I'm watching my TV.

I will think you're bad mannered with your disagreements.

By the time I've finished my Vanilla Almond Milk decisively without another spoonful of Peanut Butter I realize somewhere someone is being interrogated, possibly a child.

And...

The truth is sometimes a lie but a lie can not be the truth.

kisses,

WELL THAT'S JUST FABULOUS - JAN 13

Dolce & Gabbana 2012

“Relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.” - Sex and the City

SEX and a little sex...

I've always been a huge fan of Sex and the City and between every bit of heartbreak I take down the box set from the shelf and watch my favorite episodes from the show. From what I hear there's a whole new chapter opening up [THE CARRIE DIARIES!] for the younger generation to become Carrie-fanatics all over again. It's funny that one door closing leads to another. But that is life. All this it reminds me that it's been so very long since I've been here and there on the blog. As I mentioned previously I can not talk about all of it... but in time I will share. At least what I can. So I won't have to kill any of you... OR WILL I? kisses.

I'm writing tonight on something that is so remote from this that it felt as though I was... on another planet away from all human contact aside from Twitter & Facebook. Which everyone knows is TOTALLY REAL LIFE!

HIGH FIVE?

Leaving me hanging?

Really?

COME ON!

Well needless to say I've been on an interesting writing schedule for a few weeks now and playing on occasion. I have to say it is really weird to come back to writing blogs after being away so long. And it since it hasn't been all work it is a lot more liberating than it used to be. So...

Recently I've run into a few old friends and made a few new ones. Some are in new relationships, some are in old relationships, and a couple of friends with some very bad habits. TSK-Tsk! Still love you all. Along the way I happened to meet a new friend that was coming back from or rather I do believe he was about go on Safari once again. Is that the term they call it anymore? Needless to say he was leading an expedition of sorts off into the wilderness of some foreign place after being away for so long. ADVENTURE! That's always fabulous! Oh back to it...

Even though time has brought change and change has brought consistency... It seems no matter where I turn the people around me are all still fascinated by L-O-V-E.

Shhh! ~~It's a bad word~~. NO IT ISN'T!

Some are so very much in it! I do LOVE that! Some are no where near it. Which is fine and dandy unless you are unhappy with that choice. [Yes it's your choice] Others are too busy for it. Oh but not the fellow on Safari! He says he would make time in his schedule for the right person. In this case that will be one lucky fellow! And for Moi? I'm none of the above. I'm happy. I love myself. I don't make myself miserable anymore about things that aren't really in front of me. And I'm never too busy for the important things in life, especially love.

Now you can harbor animosity toward others and make yourself miserable or you can decide to be happy with your choices and realize that you make the best choices with the options that are in front you. If you are happy with what you have chosen then it will show to the world. And there's not much you have to prove to anyone when you are truly happy. It won't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't. You make yourself happy and then you are capable of bringing so much happiness to others.

I think relationships are that... You find someone and it's a new world that is different from yours or perhaps a similar world to yours and sometimes it's a world that makes you reevaluate the way you are. But ultimately it's really how you live with yourself that welcomes others into your life. If you want to be miserable then you will attract misery. If you love yourself truly then love will truly find you. Ultimately you create the life you want to have, welcome people into it who love you just the way you are and then live it, breath it, enjoy it and if you're lucky... no one yells cut at the end of it.

kisses,

ANOTHER YEAR ANOTHER 8 WORDS - JAN 17

8 words. The Cure. NEW. Always a favorite. There's nothing like working with your favorite music and listening to it while you work. Do you like The CURE? Enjoy. kisses, m.

the cure. song of the day: why can't I be you? album: kiss me kiss me kiss me

Tonight underneath the stars spinning round & round

You remind me of a girl I think

She used to just stand there and stare

On that dizzy edge. I kissed her face

And kissed her head and dreamed of all

My promises. I thought you were the girl

Tonight underneath the stars, spinning round and round

For the last time, then slipped away quietly.

I'm wondering where she's been and I'm crying

Dancing screaming itching squealing fevered feeling hot hot...

I'm smitten I'm bitten I'm hooked I'm cooked!

However much I'm falling down it's never enough.

Whichever I chose it amounts to the same

End. But this isn't truth this isn't right.

Please tell me this is not for real...

The shadows breathe whispering me away from you.

This wonder always leaves. When the time comes

Then give it to the wonderful, wonderful me.

I know I was wrong when I said

It's not hard to hide in a moment.

I never thought that tonight could ever be

Flowing in and filling up my hopeless heart.

If only I'd thought of the right words.

I would say I’m sorry if I thought

You’d know that I'd do anything. For you

Make me feel like I am free again.

To learn the new smile you'll have to

Slide into deep black water and breathe and

Sing me a line from your favorite song.

It's such a gorgeous sight to see you

In the water and your dry lips sing

And smile with the shake of your head.

It's a big bright beautiful world out there.

The same sun spinning in the same sky.

So let's cut the conversation and get out
Softly through the shadow of the evening sun

One last time before it's time to go.

As a strange attraction spreads it's wings the

Happy ever after girl finds the perfect boy.

*Track Listing

10.15 Saturday Night

Boys don't Cry

Jumping Someone Else's Train

Killing An Arab

The Lovecats

The Catapiller

Close to Me

The Walk

Inbetween Days

A Night Like This

Catch

Hot Hot Hot!

If only Tonight we could Sleep

Just Like Heaven

The Kiss

Why Can’t I Be You?

Lovesong

Fascination Street

Lullaby

Pictures of You

High

Doing the Unstuck

Friday I’m in Love

A letter to Elise

This is a lie

The 13th

Out of this world

Bloodflowers

Alt. End.

Underneath the Stars

Burn

Sleep When I’m Dead

Never Enough

Labyrinth

The Perfect Boy

The End of the world

Strange Attraction

DEFINE YOURSELF - JAN 23

Girl in the mirror REMIXED - the fabulous ms m vs Picasso.

Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

- Harvey Fierstein

“Define yourself” she says to me speaking directly to me but across another friend while standing within arms length. It’s an unusual interview with me on one side and a good friend sandwiched in the middle. She proceeds to voice to him loud enough for me to hear, “I’m confused by her answer” and throws me shade while I do my best to keep up a smile.

It’s always best to give bad news to anyone with a smile. Don’t you think? A sympathetic smile to let them know you aren’t the enemy but you must disappoint. It’s tried and true advice I once decided upon the moment I had to deliver the bad news to a lovely fellow that things were over in nothing. He seemed to take things quite well when I smiled. So from that day I never forget to smile with understanding.

Which brings me back to the smiling face of my in-between friend who, like me, hasn’t broken his amidst her incessant demand for an answer when none is needed. Should I have to account for myself to someone else? I shouldn’t. No one should.

Define yourself. Is it that simple? To always know what’s best for you instead of letting someone else dictate what they think is best for you. To be perfectly honest... it should always be that simple.

But how does this definition extend itself to “who” we are and interact with others? Are others surrounding us allowed to call into question the way we live our life or is it any of their business? I’m inclined to lean toward the latter question. You see, it’s not really anyone’s concern how I choose to define myself or live my life. The pure purpose of others in or around your life is to love and support you in how you define yourself. If they can not then perhaps they should redefine their own purpose in life.

The only definition you have for yourself in this life should be the one you set for yourself. As children we are taught that in order to grow up certain things must happen. We must talk accordingly, dress accordingly, live accordingly and so on...

As young women this often extends itself to the glamorization or objectification of oneself as a sexual object. It’s one thing to grow up wishing to be seen as sexy and quite another to be seen as a slut. Women tend to forget that they hold so much power in their movements and dress that sexual power exudes naturally. For the most part a woman need not shed a single drop of clothing to extend the full power of her sexuality.

For men the definition often extends to the masculine role of dominance, aggression and any other stereotype that involves toughness. It’s in this that most perceptions are lost. Men are quite capable of the love, compassion and emotion groundwork that women give forth in relationships. The most power a man has is in his ability to demonstrate self-control. There’s strength and self awareness in the choice to know limitation.

Women and men are capable of reversing gender roles and identities. Which is where I’m finding myself answering my friend’s friend with her challenge of definition. A woman can write, create, design, etc and remain constant in her beliefs. Much like a man has the capability to write, create, design, etc for women and it is not questioned in the least.

Shakespeare wrote many of his plays with female characters fully developed later to be played by men on the stage. Yet we never stop to question that man’s definition of himself... Do we? Cate Blanchett portrayed a unique depiction of Bob Dylan for the screen and successfully bested her male counterparts in technique and composition of character. The audience never stops to gasp in wonder of how she defines herself at the end of the scene... Do they?

Is society still hell-bent on living in the dark ages where there are imposed prejudices on what we do not understand? It’s hard to believe that men and women have come so far only to be shaped by the hands of others when they clearly are capable of shaping themselves. In choosing to define oneself it is challenging, but it promises the most discovery and loyalty that a person can give themselves through personal growth. And if you choose to define yourself... know that you will never find yourself in the compromising position of having to tell someone that they got you saying the wrong thing or photographed in an unflattering light because you’ll know what and where you wanted to be in the first place. Oh and next time you wish for someone to define themselves... try defining yourself first.

kisses,

AND SO IT BEGINS... MY BARBIE DREAM HOUSE! - JAN 31

Today my Barbie Dream House is made of ICE! It may get chilly inside the Microsoft Digital Ice House with 5 degree Celsius temperatures, but having a one of a kind interior is simply Fabulous!

Would you live in this Barbie Dream House? Or perhaps just visit?

Kisses, m.

HAPPY VALENTINES FROM UNDER THE SEA - FEB 14

© Diego Munòz : Photo Credit

Happy Valentines Day to all! The lovers, the singles and the babes just starting out on their journey. The above image is one that sets on the desktop of my MAC. It's absolutely gorgeous! I do love to see the love. Why doesn't "The Fabulous Ms M experience it?" Alas, I would experience that romantic love if there was a special fellow... but there is not. So I certainly enjoy all the other aspects of love and appreciate wherever it comes from. Especially on holidays that screams about it from the rooftops! Anyhoo, I'm sparing you the heart-shaped dream house today... or am I? Time will tell. And in the meantime please enjoy a little snippet. A short story if you will, in the form of a love letter. It is also available in my ebook "Between the Sheets" which you can get here! Enjoy!

kisses, m.

Awake

(9-29-09)

My love, my angel, watching you sleep is possibly the most exquisite sight these humble eyes have had the pleasure to behold. The sun as it weakly finds its way into our room illuminates your skin and dances in your hair. I can not count the ways I am blessed to wake next to such a wondrous creature each day. The soft sounds that escape your lips as you linger in dreams are pleasant music to ears that had only known din before your song. The dreams in your mind surely can not capture half of my devotion for you. Watching you dream is torment to my soul. I can only envy these thoughts that take you away from me. As while you are away, I can only send you my love. Such peace, my love, is in your body at rest. Still eyes, quiet mouth, and calm breathing. My mind is in eager anticipation to embrace you, possess you in this tranquil moment.

What is in your thoughts that you slumber so delicately before these eyes of mine? Is it your lover in dreams that keeps us apart in such cruelty at night? Dreams provide no definition in reality. Could it be true that my only love prefers the company of such phantoms over waking into my genuine arms? Cruel mischief is at hand, for these thoughts take you where I can not follow. I curse the night and the need for slumber. Angel, dream no more. Leave my side no longer. Dreams are foul, cursed distractions that only filled my mind with torment and yours with peaceful joy. Do I dare to believe you dream of me, as I am here waking and watching as your humble servant without the least bit of hesitation. Darling, how it would be heaven if only you could draw me into your mind. We could be alive in a world that knows nothing of boundaries. To embrace every last bit of your soul, eternally. Ah, but I am denied such an unearthly pleasure. Star-crossed lovers must endure eternities apart, and weak fool that I am, mere hours are unbearable. Jealous of a fantasy world that I can not compete with and lost in my own false imaginings of what it truly means when you are there. Angel wake soon for this madness threatens to take hold. Wake again and save me once more.

Oh, but it is a wonder for you to wake and grace the world with your beautiful smile. Thank heaven for that smile that brightens even my darkest hour. Your smile challenges the shadows before me and lays waste to the despair that is determined to pull me under. My darling, don’t let me down. Awake. My soul wages war on these demons in your absence. It is only whole once more when the dreams restore you to this life. I am yours, devoted and true. I will wait through countless nights and battle the phantoms of your mind. The day I leave is when time runs out without your return and the world comes down before me. Wake my love. Wake.

LIVE DELIBERATELY - FEB 15

“You are leading an authentic life when you LIVE DELIBERATELY NOW!”

- m.

DRUGS IN YOUR BODY - FEB 17

There's time for indulgence and there's a time to know your limits... Do you know your limit? When will you reach it? Anyhoo, here's an image I was playing with and creating last Christmas. It reminded me of The Inauthentic Life, formerly the Perspectives, which will be published later this year. Here's the first snippet I wrote from the book... along with links to a few of the other chapters. Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Downtown drugs. December 2012.

Drugs in my body.

It’s been three days and you haven’t been here.

It’s 11 at night. 11:13 burned in red screaming out from the black. Where did you go? Look around and you’re not here. There’s a stranger looking at me in the mirror. It’s time to head out. Maybe I’ll find you through distraction. Grab the bottle and take a couple for the road. Did you call a cab for me? Wait. You’re gone. Wayne isn’t going to mind the noise from the cab. Oh, he’s already waiting. Grab my coat. Let’s go.

Downtown.

It’s 8am. There are still a dozen places to go. People are everything right now. Standing on the wall. Touching my waist when I pass. Grabbing at my body. A woman just walked up and kissed me outside of the Zebra last night. Still can’t hear you. I’m pretty sure I locked up last night. Alex is with me now. He wants breakfast. I’m not hungry. I keep telling him I need to go back to the house. I’m out. If I dry up I’ll never find you. When are you coming back? I’m out of this head when you’re not around.

Alex says he knows a guy that can keep me HYDRATED and that I should forget about going home. It’s time to get breakfast. We’re standing next to the guy that sells flowers for nickels or trades them for oranges. Alex is eating an orange and telling me to hold his flowers. I’m almost completely dry. Something about this feels like you. Were you here before me? I’m catching up now. The man selling the flowers puts a cigarette in my mouth and lights it. Alex is laughing. Alex is kissing him. There’s music. We’re dancing on the street corner. It’s 9am.

Still downtown.

The cab put us out in the middle of midday traffic. It’s Alex’s fault. The cab driver didn’t agree that oral sex would pay the fare. Even I said that before we hailed it. We’re out on the avenue ten blocks from where it’s wet, but seventeen blocks away from the oranges now. Dryer. You’re close though. I’m leaving here. Alex says to wait and catches up. There’s a place we can go. I’m waiting. He says it’s around the corner.

The alley isn’t long enough. Seems like a hallway or closet. It’s a liar pretending to be something it’s not. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m wet. Messy. Back in pursuit. I almost lost it for a minute there. Alex came through. I’m not going to stop for the next day. Maybe you’re already there. Living in tomorrow. Dancing in the dream that hasn’t happened yet. I need another one. I can feel…

Alex is gone. He says to swing by Zebra or Defiance if I wanna hit the party later. It’s 2pm. Why do I bother with this watch? You like this watch. It would hurt if I lost it. I’m waiting on a park bench with this watch that you love thinking of breaking it out of spite.

Downtown Driving.

Gina is waving to me from across the street. She has an Escalade. Wayne sent Gina to drive me around. Did you call Wayne? You didn’t tell me you were stopping in. I missed you. This is a nice car and Gina is very nice. Except Gina doesn’t really know me. Not like Wayne and Alex. I’ve never met Gina but she knows you very well. Gina smiles a lot. Gina talks a lot. Tells me about where we are going.

The escalade takes a sharp left at the next intersection and continues. I ask her why she should take this sort of job from Wayne. She says that this is what her job for Wayne is. I ask her if driving strange men around is really a profession that one aspires for. Gina has a giggle. Some girls have a laugh. Gina giggles before explaining that her job requires her to assist Wayne. She says sometimes that means driving around strange men then half giggles. I ask if this comes with stock options and a title. Gina has a laugh now and hands me a business card.

The traffic stops for an accident. The escalade stops. I want a drink. Gina pops opens a compartment and hands me a bottle. I take a hit and drink of bottled Perrier. The car is amazing. Cold bottled water appears from the dash on command. I’m holding her business card like it’s a cigarette; Rolled up and sandwiched in between my fingers. Wayne calls her his personal liaison. I tell her I’m convinced this means she washes his clothes and books his appointments with hookers. Gina giggles. Gina likes it when I make fun of her job. I’m done making fun. I need another hit.

The Four Seasons

Gina takes me to the Four Seasons. She has an appointment with a client and I’m having drinks with Wayne at 5:30. It’s only 4:15pm. You aren’t at the Four Seasons. You don’t like hotel bars. I’m the opposite of dry. What trouble can I find?

The ladies locker room isn’t where I should be. So I’m leaving even though she asks me to stay. Who? Someone. She follows me. Smiles and says come back to my room. It’s 4:25. I’ve got time. I need another hit.

It’s 5:15. The maids’ pantry is stocked with a thousand tiny little chocolate mints. There’s a closet full of those tiny mini bar liquors that is now missing thirty eight tiny bottles of Stoli Vodka. Mint Chocolate and Vodka sounds like an amazing new flavor for ice cream. You would love that. Why don’t they put alcohol in ice cream? I’ll ask Wayne. He makes things happen. My bottles clink clank while I walk across the empty lobby.

I’m at the hotel bar. Wayne is here early. I’m beyond soaked. I show him my new dance that produces three little bottles from the bottom of my left pant leg. Wayne thinks it’s funny and asks me about Gina. I say client with inappropriate finger quotes. Wayne shakes his head and smacks me on the shoulder. I share about the party invite from Alex. Wayne looks at his watch, nods and tells me to order a drink. I forget about Stoli and Chocolate Mint Ice Cream… before I forget about you.

Frank’s Place.

Frank is a business associate of Wayne and Alex. Frank has an amazing waterfall in his living room. The bottom of the falls is covered by tiny bullets of red and whites, green and blues, yellow and purples. An arsenal of pure intoxication. Frank says help yourself. I’m already packed, but I’ll take a few more for the road please.

You’re not at Frank’s. I can’t help it but I’m not looking anymore. There’s no mirrors here to remind me of strangers. I’m the life of the party. Dancing in a waterfall of color and light amid a sea of girls in white cat-suits. Wayne says Frank loves to throw parties. I don’t know what time it is. The watch is broken. Water.

Driving Downtown.

Gina came to Frank’s. Wayne says it’s 10:20pm. I say where did the time go? Wayne says that Technicolor waterfall held me hostage for three hours. Wayne tells me there were no girls and that Frank wasn’t having that kind of party. Gina smiles and tells me I was still the life of the party. I laugh.

Wayne tells Gina to head over to Spiral. She makes a left and a right quickly before flipping a bitch amid traffic. I need a hit. Wayne looks over his shoulder as I’m pulling at my coat pockets. There’s only three mints and a tiny bottle of Stoli. Wayne laughs and waves my bottle of skittles. I tell Wayne to fuck himself and give it back. Gina says I should wait until Spiral. Spiral is a party on a boat that never sinks. I want my candy. Gina says we should arrive in 5-4-3-2-1. Give me the bottle.

Spiral.

Alex is at Spiral. Somewhere aboard this boat. Wayne is gone to check our coats. Wayne is gone with my bottle. Mirrors everywhere. You are close again. You’re in the familiar shadows that disappear around corners. I can never find you. I feel sick. The club rocks with the uneasiness of the movement all around.

Alex finds me in the corner talking to you but you’re not there. Just a thousand strangers reflecting back. Alex says the boat is leaving. I laugh and tell him this boat isn’t for sailing. We leave anyway. Wayne is throwing up in the parking lot next to the car. Gina looks like she fell in the water. She is still smiling. Happy Gina. Pretty girl. Alex hands me back my bottle. Wayne realizes that he left my jacket in the check.

Zebra.

I’m in a corner booth sitting next to Andy Warhol. It isn’t really Andy though. Andy is dead. This guy says he’s Andy though. Real cool cat. He even looks like Andy but with red hair and dark skin. I know you would find the humor in that bit if you were here. When will you be surfacing? Gina is drinking a Midori and dancing on a chair while Wayne lifts up her dress. Alex has decided that imitation Andy is his soul mate. Why am I at this party? I’m waiting for you. Drying up.

There’s a mirror. That’s not a stranger. You’re here. You’re dancing now. Come closer and talk. It’s been four days. Maybe we should talk. No more distractions. Let’s go home. I’ll fix something. You can be in control. I’m ready to be dry. Stop dancing. Now.

The bottle. Don’t eat the candy. I’m tired.

Out in the street.

Walking. More candy. More Stoli. But at least you’re here. We agree and there’s no place like home. Alex and Andy are walking behind us. The world spins madly. You want to know about the watch cause it’s late and there’s no way to tell time. You keep interrogating me about our jacket cause you’re cold. I’m not cold. I honestly don’t care what time it is. Maybe I’ll take a hit of red and put you back in your cage. Why don’t I then? I’m tired. Why don’t you take control? Quit hiding in there if you don’t like what happens when you’re gone.

Standing in front of a store filled with paint cans of every color. I can see you in the reflection. Still mad about the jacket? Look what I did to our hair. Andy Imposter laughs like a donkey when I talk to you. Alex tells him that it’s ok and this is how we are. I don’t want to go home with you. Crawl back in or take over. Alex has a bump left. I’m taking it. Deal with it. Junkie? Go away or hold the fort while I disappear inward for a while.

Defiance.

Wayne says Defiance is where people come for sex and candy. Alex and Andy haven’t left the bathroom for an hour. Check one. There’s a mirror behind the bar. No stranger danger. Quiet. You’re still mad, but coming around. Even you have to admit you enjoyed that line. Let’s have some fun. There’s a nice smoking bar and there’s a man with candy in the back. Check two. Why do you care what time it is? Let’s get wet. Jump in the pool.

Alex says it’s 4am. Andy says it’s 5am. I don’t care. I say let’s find Wayne.

Apartment K.

Wayne is sleeping on the floor by the sofa-like chair thing that you bought last month. Alex is smoking in the bathroom while Gina takes a piss. I’m spent and resting on your favorite chair. Alex tells me that you spilled all the candy in the street this morning. I say to him that’s wonderful. Gina hasn’t giggled yet. According to the watch that Alex stole from Wayne it’s 10am. I ask Gina to take Alex home. Alex says he prefers to walk. There’s a stranger in the mirror. I don’t know where you went. Maybe you’re still in the streets? I’m ready to leave. Come out come out wherever you are. I can hear you. You know the score.

Five days and you haven’t really been here.

Other Chapters

* Drugs In my Body

* Lines

* Alone Time

* Swallow

* Stuck at 12:22

* 5am

* Mirrors

* Caught

LIVING IN A CASTLE... HEARST CASTLE - MARCH 11

Barbie happens to be a fabulously unoriginal gal but she doesnt mind in the slightest what people think. That attitude alone makes her a Queen in this world! What a better place for a Queen to live than a Castle?

Hearst Castle

Hearst Castle, now considered a landmark, is located in San Simeon, CA overlooking the beautiful golden west coast bluffs. It was constructed in 1919 by William Randolph Hearst. The home is open to the public for paid tours. More info can be found @ www.hearstcastle.org

Would you live in a Castle?

Barbie would.

Kisses, m.

ART & STYLE: HANGING AROUND - MARCH 18

photo credit: c/o tylershields.com

It's amazing what a person can accomplish in a day just by hanging around. It's even more interesting what a person might accomplish by doing a little bit of something everyday. I think when you wonder too much you miss the point of it all. What's the point? Magic. The magic in the trick is not knowing how it's done. It's in knowing that you're watching something wonderful happen. And there's magic in everyday. The image is borrowed from SUSPENSE, an upcoming exhibit by photographer Tyler Shields at the Guy Hepner gallery in LA. The story is an excerpt from a book I finished writing some time last year. I suppose it will be eventually published. I don't really make any decisions about the unpublished material that I haven't edited or shared. By all means follow up on the artist... I guarantee you will be impressed by the work or perhaps you won't. I'm personally rarely disappointed. One thing I will advise: Check your personal feelings at the door. You'll definitely have a reaction. It's not everyone's cup of tea... but I did warn you about such things when you visited my blog.

enjoy!

kisses, m.

A day in the life of Addison Kelly

(1-31-2011)

It’s 3:30 in the afternoon and I’m hanging thirteen stories above the ground looking up at the sky. Somewhere below there’s a man making sure I don’t fall off the roof the wrong way. Addison tells me one more minute before disappearing over the top edge of the roof with a harness strapped around his waist. It’s the last place I thought I’d be twenty four hours ago but it’s the first place that I can think to start. About to tumble head over heels, thanks to a man.

Well, don’t get ahead of yourself. No it’s not like that. I wouldn’t call it a love affair, because it’s not. Or for that matter love at first sight, cause it isn’t like that either. But a lifelong friendship is what it has become. I’ve known Add for nearly six years and it seems like a lifetime. I’m often told that Add’s a strange looking fellow. Not at all what you expect, but I just don’t see it. He’s as good looking as they come and just as strange in his own way. Aren’t we all though?

Friend.

Madison Henry - (friend)

How did I come to such a friendship? Addison Kelly is a remarkable storyteller and me as a writer; I can’t pass up a good tale. Always with Add -“give me more.” And I could spend hours if not an entire day listening and participating in Add’s latest invention, meeting a new stranger or taking in a story. Often much to my husband’s dismay.

James Henry - (Collaborator/Friend.)

Madison likes to believe that I’m a needy creature. That it disappoints me when she spends the day in the middle of or listening to Add’s nonsense. Hell I can’t blame her for that. He’s always a got a story to tell. And it’s always a helluva day with Add. But I suppose it is a little interesting when your wife has a childhood friend that’s a grown-up.

The day starts by merely planning. And we’ve started planning out the night at 4pm. Add says it’s happening somewhere on the side of building before telling me that we have to stop in on a friend of his. After that friend it involves a handful of spray paint and a few more tools. But that won’t happen until later. Dinner is spent with Addison telling me about the necessities we need at the hardware store and trying to convince me we need to visit the Iron Anchor for a little while.

Friend (cont.)

Strain aka John Strand – (Artist/Friend)

Addison Kelly. Sounds weird to say his name like that. To me he’s always going to be Add. Add’s a cool guy and I’m not just saying that cause you’re asking. I met him while I was hanging off a bridge putting the finishing touches on a piece. Armed with two cans of my best Krylon, he leaned over and asked if I wanted a hand. I said ok and before long he was using my harnesses to work on his stuff. We were just kids back then, he wasn’t anything like this artist that’s got work in a museum or on some rich fucker’s wall. Ah, but he’s not like that. He’s still Add and we don’t talk about the work like it’s a commodity.

Michael Cranston (art dealer)

Addison isn’t merely a commodity. Yeah, I like to see him as a friend. A colleague. We don’t often see each other but for dinner discussions about work. And it’s on occasion that he brings me a bottle of wine to celebrate the completion of a new project. Every bottle is accompanied by a delightful yarn. And see that’s the one thing I like to tell people about Addison; it’s his knack for a good story.

Beckett Sinclair (friend/dog walker/sculptor)

Friends. We go way back. There’s this one time he bailed me outta jail on account of me getting arrested for breaking into his house. See, he didn’t mind. Some people say don’t mix friends with money. Add don’t think like that. He figured it was his fault being that he asked me to come over and get a set of acrylics from his studio and forgot to leave a key under the mat. Nah, Add ain’t like nothing else.

Two and half hours in a hardware store produces enough materials for a small military settlement. Paint, tools and wires are nestled safely within two shopping carts. The man at the counter smiles and nods as we make one more pass through before checking out.

The Iron Anchor introduces us to the lovely Svetlanka, a bartender who isn’t at all afraid to tell you what she’s thinking, quite heavy handed on the alcohol and wears her female facial hair with a sense of pride and duty. It takes Addison two hours, a couple of interesting stories and a handful drinks to get the lovely Svetlanka to listen to his idea about her posing for a wall piece. A piece that will take place if she cooperates. Three more drinks and she may promise Add an unborn child whether it’s his or not.

Friend. (Cont.)

Madison Henry.

The first time I met Addison Kelly we were both in line at the DMV. Addy was registering an old DODGE truck and me I was paying dues on my 94 Honda Civic. Our first conversation was about cars. Mostly odd since I know very little about cars. And Addy well he wasn’t so much talking about cars as he was telling me a story about a car. A story much like your grandfather might tell you. Sounds pretty odd coming from a young man, but that’s just Add.

To describe Addison Kelly is much like referring to all old man. How we are friends at all I’ll never know. To this day my husband wonders how we are friends. Sometimes I just tell him to go along with it instead of wondering. Its how I’ve come to understand things.

James Henry.

Addison was in the middle of telling a story when Madison introduced us. The middle of a story. It’s funny but that’s the best way to describe the friendship. You’re in the middle of something that’s about to take place. And although you don’t know it at the time but you are in the middle of a story.

Celine Patrick – (friend/artist)

Addison introduced himself to me in the middle of the biography section at the public library. Apologized for bothering me but instantly said he had to tell me how beautiful I was. I wanted to be icked out by the whole thing, but somehow he was charming and I simply said thank you. The whole time I kept thinking who does things like that anymore?

Strain.

Add is a good friend. Not that it’s hard to get along with Add. Actually there are a few people. But it’s not that they get along badly. Wait that’s not it. They just don’t know how to take him or bother to get to know him. Most people are surprised to realize how much they have in common with Add when they start talking to him.

The night gets started somewhere in the middle of a convenience store its 12:38 am. Addison says we need Corndogs and Reeses Pieces. Svetlanka the non-model bartender from the Iron Anchor is standing outside the store with a handful of posies smoking a cigar. We’ve become fast friends after spending the last two and a half hours at the Iron Anchor getting familiar while discussing how she will be posing for Add’s next piece. I’m feeling like this is more like a bad joke than an art project when he tells me these things will complete our painting. Add has a tad twisted sense of humor so I’m waiting for the punch line to kick in. It doesn’t. Somewhere around 12:45am with his serious face he reassures me, “No Joke!”

Artist.

James Henry. (collaborator/friend)

By true calling Add’s a pretty damn good painter. You might find something he’s done hanging in a law office or on a wall at the Modern Art Museum. My work? I’m strictly a paint man. And don’t get me wrong I like to get down and dirty. But that’s not like what Add’s doing. He’s a bit of genius with what he’s got going. It’s not often but occasionally he lets me down to work on something with him. And cause he’s Add, occasionally he’ll throw in a few things for flavor. Mixed media is what the art dealer likes to call it. I call it a big ass mess. Albeit a bit fun. BIG. Anyhow, that’s just something the missus and I joke about though.

Michael Cranston (Art Dealer/Colleague)

Addison Kelly. Now the thing you have to understand about Addison is that he doesn’t work like you or me. Doesn’t pay the bills the same way. And sure as hell doesn’t pay the tax man the same way. Yet he is the most upstanding individual I’ve ever met. Most people wonder what he does. At this moment he might tell you “a little of this a little of that” and that’s not entirely untrue. Snake Charmer? Lion tamer? Musician? Builder? Repairman? If you can think of a name for it, then he’s done it. The world to Addison Kelly is that of possibility. Anything is up for grabs. And for the last three years or so he’s made his living creating something from things that most people toss out. With a little paint or other odd’s and end’s thrown in there’s a masterpiece every time.

Madison Henry.

Addison and Work. Work with Addison is never work. It’s that age old saying, if you’re doing what you love then you never find yourself working a day in your life. Which brings me back to how I ended up where I’m at now. Spending an entire day in the life and shadow of Addison Kelly. This wasn’t my idea. But Addy’s got a “grand ol plan” and he tells me the world has to know about it. When that mind starts to work there’s nothing that can stop it. Also he knows I’m outta work, needing a challenge. What are friends for?

My biggest fear as I hang dangling thirteen stories above the ground? A day becomes a week and that becomes a year. Add says no. And I know that he’s right.

Four and a half hours and thirteen popsicle sticks later, the sun is coming up Svetlanka has called over her girlfriend. The four of us, we’re standing in the middle of the parking lot at a closed Dairy Queen with a newly painted wall mural that looks a bit like the outline of Svetlanka with her hands above her head somewhere in the middle. There’s a pile of cigarillos next to the scene of the crime next to several cans of Krylon with freshly painted popsicle sticks hanging out of them with candy paper wrappers. Add tells me there was no way the corndogs sticks would have worked as I swallow another cold bit of cherry ice. Svetlanka covers her girlfriend with a dozen kisses and I watch Add snap a couple of Polaroid’s before telling me they’re playing his song on the copy machine at my house. I tell him James is asleep and we shouldn’t. He tells me, “No he’s not” while stopping to look at his watch.

Artist (cont.)

Svetlanka (Barmaid/Model)

We’ve met at the bar many times. He tells me I’m beautiful. I know this. In my home country I am very beautiful. No I never posed for artist. It is honor for such gentlemen. Is this ok? My speaking is bad. I can talk about anything. You want cigar?

James Henry. (collaborator/friend)

Last time we’d visited he was working with a 79 Datsun and an 87 model that looks like she’d rather be entertaining a fashion ensemble than being worked into some mechanical artwork. The entire time she spent waiting for the plaster to dry with a cigarette crooked in the corner of her mouth. Addy kept telling us about the interested buyer while flipping the pages in Italian Vogue for the bored model. When he says, “there’s a man in New York waiting to see this painted body work,” for the most part this means he’s already sold the unfinished piece. We decided to leave as the last pieces of plaster harden around the thin woman’s legs and Add brings out a sledgehammer.

Anastasia Peterson (Model)

Oh no, I don’t mind it so much. Dirty. You definitely get a little dirty. The last time I came down to work with Addison he was re-envisioning this color scheme on a landscape mural while working in a tube of lights that required a harness and buckle. He was using the curve of my torso as a… I don’t know how to explain. He was using me as a paintbrush. It was all so very interesting. Funny. And amazing. You’re probably wondering where the funny comes in the equation. It’s all very serious until you’re strapped in a harness swinging buck naked covered in paint. Before your mind wanders, it’s not very sexy. And Addison, well he’s a gentleman. Let me just say, they don’t make ‘em like Addison anymore that’s for sure. His ex-wife… it’s a damn shame she left him. A shame for her that is. Some girls don’t know what they have.

The morning continues at my house around 7 o’clock. And James isn’t sleeping. He’s been up all night in the studio working out something. It feels more like 3 in the afternoon, but it doesn’t matter as the Xerox machine is counting down from 1000. We’re still sitting having a coffee and talking about the plan for the day. I can’t see what he has in mind as the hot water comes to a boil. It involves paint and a tall building. Two things that I’m not at all sure I want to participate in. James pops his head in to find out when I will “really” be home. I tell James later and then tell Addison that there’s no room for negotiating on time. He says then we better get moving soon.

Copies. Nearly 11 am. Dozens of inverted images are strewn across the street in front of my house. A hand, a face, an elbow. It’s odd to see the brightly colored body parts scattered on the lawn. Addy’s pulled together a make-shift contraption to color the copies. The wind is kicking in and making the production line a bit of a problem. I’m watching and waiting for the neighbors to intercede over the chaos of color. And somehow it never happens.

The damn shame.

Madison Henry.

Addison’s wife. That’s a sad story. And it’s something that happened long before I met him. But I can tell you a little. She’s… she was pretty fucked up how she left. It wasn’t what I’d call reasonable. There wasn’t a time when she was ever satisfied with what he would do for her. Took him through the ringer with all of her cheating. Blamed him for refusing to commit over and over again. When he finally did she accused him of every type of indiscretion. Add’s not that kinda guy. He never would’ve cheated on that girl. Would have given her the moon and somehow it wasn’t enough. It’s a shame that she left, even after he put that ring on her finger.

Beckett Sinclair.

I wouldn’t call it a bad relationship. Being married to someone is a strange thing. It’s not that you want to upset the other person. You want to be the thing that stays true to you and true to the relationship. Upset just happens sometimes. In their case, there was a bit of bitterness on both sides. And in the end she left him.

James Henry.

The way Maddie tells it, there’s nothing like the way she left him. It makes you wonder how someone can drag another person through the mud before heading out. Maybe they grew apart. Maybe there wasn’t anything there to begin with.

Somewhere it’s noon and somewhere it’s actually 1 pm but the important thing is that the corner of Amsterdam and 9th are now covered in freshly painted copies of random body parts. There is a faded picture of Madonna with a strategically placed magenta foot in her mouth. And three oversized symbols mocked up out of the remaining pieces. A crescent moon is looking back at me when Add tells me about the crane at 1:30.

At 1:38 there’s a man that keeps handing me the keys to a crane while Add talks to a homeless man. The crane is large enough to lift and move a car. Add says we’re not moving cars between talking about street art with the homeless man. I wonder if he knows what he’s doing. He must get the same impression as me and keeps making phones calls instead of stopping. Between being kept on hold and waiting Add tells me about the building and paint again. I shrug and nod. There’s no real sense in avoiding it. I know that there will be no change in plans when the homeless man says he thinks there might be a Van Gogh of street art.

The crane is next to a building that is next to a large empty lot. The space directly next to the building contains a large canvas and drop cloth. The canvas rests across a pad large enough to catch a falling person. Add tells me this is what I’m doing. I tell him, “Really?” before shaking my head yes. Saying no won’t do anybody a bit of good.

The damn shame (cont.)

Strain.

Damn shame. Add never talks about it unless asked and even then he’s pretty tight-lipped. You can’t really talk about something that never gets talked about. I remember how they met and even though we all knew each other pretty well it wasn’t a good idea back then. To say there were problems before it ever started would be an understatement.

Anastasia Peterson.

I take it you’ve never been in a love situation if you can't relate. I mean, you don’t just say forever and mean something else. That’s not the truth. You have to understand that with a man like Add there’s no room for deceit. And that’s all she was. Demanding the truth from a man and lying. Giving it to some other guy. Who does that?

Celine Patrick (friend)

I think with Addison it comes down to the last thing he ever wanted. It’s what happened with her. She wanted something different than what he wanted. She gave him no choice. It’s all very sad. There’s nothing worse than losing your heart.

Not a bit of good is exactly what I’m thinking as Add yells over the side of the building, “Ready?” and starts to pour the paint onto me. I think of the color red although he’s pouring black and purple. Somewhere below me the man that is supposed to make sure I land right is giving the signal cause I can see the look in Addy’s eye change. Its then I look up and back down before telling him, “Only if you are,” With my agreement he snaps the harness securely into place and takes a dive over the edge. A dive that will pull me down with him.

It’s 3:55. Nearly 24 hours later, sheets of color blanket the sky before both my head and heels find themselves back on the ground. And after I finish wondering if we’ll do it again, Add tells me “Ready?”

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE HOUSE - MARCH 20

For Barbie there’s nothing quite like a dream home away from home especially one that’s set far off in the jungle. Well, the jungles of Bali that is.

The Jungle House

Set in the native and man-made ponds & rice paddies among the frangipani & coconut trees of Bali this dream house is constructed entirely of tropical woods including repurposed ironwood electricity poles. Breathtaking & beautifully complementing nature with its sustainable green design.

Would you live in the jungle?

Barbie might.

Kisses, m.

MBD: THE TEAHOUSE - APRIL 7

My Barbie Dream House is a Teahouse? Japanese tradition dictates great care and custom to the art of the Tea Ceremony. In the business of busy most modern individuals find themselves pressed for escape for something simplistic yet formal.

Teahouse Tetsu

The fine Japanese tradition of serving tea transcends cultures and defies gravity in the Teahouse Tetsu designed by Terunobu Fujimori. The minimalist house appears to float high above the cherry blossoms and maintain a mystique that separates it from the day to day ordinary. It's an ideal sanctuary to escape to and celebrate the custom of a Japanese tea ceremony. Perfection can be seen in the wood detail of the floor as well as the built in tree beams. Both efficient & sustainable the Teahouse Tetsu is a marvelously unique design that wonders.

Would you use a floating tea house?

Kisses, m.

GREATNESS - APRIL 14

“According to Kierkegaard you are leading an authentic life when you Make Everything Last Through Intently Noticing Greatness in each moment.”

-m.

PRE-BUYER'S REMORSE -APRIL 17

**UPDATE** The musician aka a photographer never did respond to my last inquiry although promising to do so back in April 2013. (I apologize for the call out but I believe an artist I know thought this was about him and it was not!) I will say to the musician as I say to everyone in my life: Your word is all that makes you success in this life. Breaking promises (lying) to one person means you break them (lie) to everyone in your life. Honestly it was one of three disappointing experiences with artists in 2013. Some artists really should check their ego and learn to control their staff from saying rude things to customers behind their backs. Positive experiences should be a priority in any art related field. Your customer is what helps you as an artist. Never forget where you started lest you end up back there. To the musician: THANK YOU for showing me what you are really like, it won't be forgotten unless you'd like to apologize? I will own a piece of your work someday but I may have to buy it in a way in which you don't profit which makes me very very sad because I'd preferred you profited 100% from it; which was why I contacted you directly in the first place. It's a damn shame you didn't understand. Of course I'm sure you meant no harm although harm was done. You probably don't care if you hurt anyone's feelings so... no worries for you, right? Suggestion you don't have to take... maybe try to follow up with your clientele in the future.**

Rock n Roll Kills - photo credit c/o tylershields.com

Something has been irking me for a bit. A little over 18 hours to be exact although I did manage to sleep soundly last night which was brilliant I might add! Now normally I don’t voice my irritation with people’s behavior on my blog but since I love music, art and fashion and many other people do as well, I think this is something that I won’t be holding back from writing about.

Well youngsters, oldsters, hipsters, friendsters and my mom [if you’re reading this “HI!”] on this occasion I’m going to share a little story and change the players quite a substantial bit as not to offend. Even though: FYI! I am a bit offended. It’s kind of a funny offended, in an inappropriate way that I’m sharing because I’ve had enough of the BS people do and aren’t held accountable for.

Let me start by saying: I wanted to acquire something. A unique piece (of fashion, music and/or art) and as most of you know: I love me some unusual in this great big universe and I’m not quiet about it! Often desperately, quite ruthlessly I pursue acquiring such objects with the passion and vigor of ten or more maniacal & financially stable men. Since I’m not a hoarder or obscenely rich, please understand that I don’t have a cluster-fuck of overpriced BS in my home. I have “choice” pieces that include music, art and fashion in my home, in addition to the Vodka, Lemon wedges and Zero Red Bull I keep in my fridge.

Last week I made the decision to acquire a piece of music from a lovely musician because I am attending an upcoming concert of his and thought it would work out to my advantage to be able to pick it up then. Granted it’s a musician who has always been very accessible and for the most part lovely to his fans. Even when he’s ~~lifting ideas from~~ being inspired by his fans to write new songs he’s having a bit of fun with them because they don’tcare. All and all, he’s not a bad guy. For the purpose of storytelling we will call him, The Musician.

Upon the urging of a select Radio Station I contacted The Musician. You see, a few months ago, I discovered this lovely Radio Station after they showcased The Musician’s last album. I sent an inquiry to acquire a piece of music from The Musician's catalog that was exclusive to the Radio Station a few months ago. Which is a very exciting thing for me. (I’ve been excited to finally be able to do this.) I was then urged to send the inquiry to get a price for what I wanted from The Musician directly. And that it shouldn’t be a problem at all. No worries at all. BTW: I love this Radio Station! Needless to say but I will say it: They are fabulous!

Now, understand something, I don’t have a special relationship with The Musician. We are not friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc and have never met. His representation, himself included, doesn’t always reply to inquiries, tweets, Facebook messages, etc. They are a busy lot, and it’s not a surprise in the grand scheme of things. Which yes occasionally I admittedly take liberties of playfulness with the lack of reply or response just for fun. Who wouldn’t? Really? You should sometime. It's fun. All in all, it’s harmless fun. If you’re not having any fun you may as well be dead. So…

Going into this I knew from a previous experience that the process would not be without its own unique difficulties: I ordered a t-shirt last year from The Musician’s staff, after much persistence I was able to acquire exactly the style and fit I wanted. It was an XMAS present to myself! I still have the shirt and it means a lot to me. It survived a few mishaps, one of which claimed the life of another shirt it was wrapped around but not my shirt. Blah Blah Blah… Lucky T-shirt! But getting back to things, obtaining the shirt was not without its own set of difficulties and I still hope it was not too much trouble to ask of The Musician’s staff. For the most part they were very wonderful for humoring my request and I didn’t expect to get my way at all. Although grateful for my t-shirt I knew that the process of pursuing a piece of music would be different and possibly be difficult. Yet I was told by the Radio Station, to please inquire as he sells them all the time.

Mind you it has been a few months since I asked the Radio Station but I was assured it wasn’t going to be a thing back then. So I inquired. Not once but twice. I was ignored the first time. No surprise.

[*Sidenote: Yes I do get ignored a lot by The Musician’s company. At this point, you’re thinking why bother with these rude people? Getting ignored doesn’t bother me as it’s a reflection of their bad manners if they aren’t really busy. So I assume it’s a busy place to work and they are inundated with projects, requests and other matters without proper office management. NOW… if they needed proper help they could always hire moi or borrow my office services for a stint. I’m highly efficient at details, multitasking, very business minded, POLITE to customers, not opposed to irregular hours, DISCREET and come with amazing references, but I’ve digressed.]

Back to it: The second time I inquired I dropped the Radio Station’s name. It worked. Success! Exciting! And The Musician replied, quoting me pricing for his typical full length albums but none specifically. Alright I’ll say it: when I started my inquiry I wasn’t wary that I would be talking to the talent and was a bit passionate in my initial discussion. I figured I would be talking with an underling of some sort and let’s say in my most fabulous way I was very expressive about what I wanted. I feel horrid for being so passionate about my designs for the music as my commentary may have been hurtful to The Musician, but overall I meant what I said and apologized repeatedly. Yes, there was a bit of an exchange over cost and style but needless to say it wasn’t heated and I’ll condense it.

***Please keep in mind these are collectibles kids, NOT CHEAP or available in record stores! (Don’t you love this analogy?! I’m having a blast with it!)

I explained that my collection could only truly fit an EP at this time. *I haven’t moved into the dream house yet. I don’t have room for another album and it would be unhappiness to have one, especially this Musician’s work, just shoved in any ol corner when I spent so much EFFORT to get it. Additionally I explained it would be disappointing if it wasn’t what I wanted. But I thought why not an EP? It would tide me over until I have room for that full length album, perhaps someday a double album or box set! I really only wanted an exclusive EP I had seen online at the Radio Station from his last album for about ½k American. But The Musician didn’t want to talk about that. I would REALLY be CONTENT with the cheaper piece from the last album because the EP looked to be exactly what I wanted at this time because of my size constraint. But The Musician wanted no part of that discussion…

Typically, The Musician said that he only sells albums and this is their cost yet he asked what I had in mind. I figured in case perhaps he had something. Which, this exchange made him more likable as a person. Very few people will work with you and be up front about things, especially when you are dealing with a creative type. They are afraid you won’t want to buy. In that respect I truly appreciated his candidness.

When I replied I told him I had assumed that his business was used to selling EPs in addition to albums as I'd seen at the Radio Station's website. Needless to say The Musician offered me something else instead: A song-set from an upcoming musical work that had not been announced.

I figured: not quite an EP but I’ll bite. Even if it is on the more expensive side… at least I can decide if it’s worth the price or wait to buy a larger piece when it will be appropriate in my home. You never know unless you ask, so I did. I asked him to please tell me more while I apologized again for my previous bluntness.

(*Sidenote: I am still waiting for more information. Although I am highly offended by that thing I will get to, it would still be a lovely addition to my home if it all works out. Fingers crossed!)

After that last exchange, I was quite pleased. I thought this is going to be great. Any animosity The Musician had had with my persistence and any past irritation I had had with being ignored or inspiring as a fan, seemed to be something that could be put aside or essentially squashed. At least it appeared to be an amicable exchange since The Musician was kindly willing to discuss with me something that would be the best fit for my needs. And the purchase puts the best for both parties involved, both buyer/seller get exactly what they want. I could see no reason otherwise than to proceed.

Now here’s where things go a bit sour. I received a very upsetting message yesterday, sent in an unusual way, which happens to be the most cowardly thing I have ever seen in my life, aside from those bombs at the Boston Marathon. You have to love the Internet! If you have a problem with someone, then tell them directly. Don’t hide in a corner and yell shit at people (that’s a metaphor for the passive aggressive coward). Besides you aren’t fooling anyone. This happens a lot more nowadays since the Internet has made it so accessible for trolls and passive aggressive cowards to say shit without having to leave comments on a message board. Usually it's merely empty threats but you have to take them seriously sometimes. Now I’m not certain exactly who the coward was that sent it. I’m certain it wasn’t from my side of things. I’ve told no one until now about my inquiry or design to purchase said music from The Musician. The Radio Station didn’t know when I would be sending my inquiry. With that said I am uncertain of why it has originated and but quite clear of what it implies.

There’s nothing else do to but directly address the gist of the derogatory statement. I’m going to say this and say this nicely although bluntly: I’m not trying to purchase something to fuck anyone. I don’t take kindly to things being said that are not true when they disparage not only myself but someone I’m trying to maintain a bit of professionalism with during a transaction or business exchange. Even if I was, wasn't or might be a dedicated fan and would or might have a fan-girl moment if I met The Musician or not, (WOW I hope not), I’m not a groupie. Typically groupies don’t pay for things they just show up, try to fuck people and tell other people “I fucked that musician” for pure bragging rights. I am a buyer and this should not be happening.

I don’t expect preferential treatment for buying The Musician’s work, but I expect to be treated with respect and a bit of discretion. And in my experience if you spend money in someone’s shop they treat you right and take accountability for the things that people do on their behalf, including bad behavior. For example when I spent ½k on a stereo upgrade for my car they kissed my ass at the shop: I was offered lunch, a movie, and a lovely man servant to chauffeur me to my errands in addition to much more. And they didn’t have to kiss my ass or do any of those things to keep my business.

SO with that said… if I spend a considerable amount of money on a purchase, even if it’sjust ½k or even 1k, I expect to be treated with respect and discretion. I expect the same respect from the grocery store employees and without fail they deliver it. Tell me why should a higher end establishment be allowed to behave differently? In fact, they should be on better manners than any other due to the specific backgrounds of their clientele. Maybe someone should talk to their employees, friends or anyone else close to them about better customer service to deter such things from happening? Or perhaps what not to say or do that might scare off prospective buyers in the future? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m confused by this.

After that last part you think: why not buy something else, somewhere else? Poor customer service isn’t really what’s irking me and although I’m sure someone was speaking with only the intention of defending/protecting The Musician, it isn’t truly his responsibility to police the Internet. After calming down a bit yesterday and today, I realized the problem wasn’t The Musician; the problem here is that people make assumptions. It’s not their business but they make it theirs and overstep. You don’t really know that someone wants something without asking them. Guess what? That’s all in your head when you do. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Pretty insulting, right? Check your head. Get a clue. Be Decent.

For the most part, I want the best in most situations. I reach out and go after the best when buying. There are only limitations if you choose to have them. Music, Art, Fashion and etc. are all accessible things and anyone can get what they want. I go after what I want because of this fact. I make no excuses for not obtaining it.Again, did I mention ruthlessly pursue?

Keep in mind, just because I go after what I want and I’m not afraid to ask for it does not make me a slut or a tramp. It makes me an educated woman with exceptional taste and the capacity to make excellent choices in my material acquisitions. However, it does make you uninformed, Mr. or Mrs. Passive Aggressive Coward. Although I don’t drop $$$ all the time doesn’t mean I can’t. I choose not to. I’m a savvy buyer with the capacity to rationalize what purchases are wise and which are not. I accept that this exchange may not prove to be successful at this time,but I do know that I will eventually get a piece of The Musician’s work.

I’ve purchased Clothes and Furniture directly from the designers, Art from the Artists and Music from the Musicians before and I don’t tend to drop names unless it’s promotion for the talent. It’s tacky otherwise. Now I’ve never considered spending or spent this amount of money to acquire anything and I’m not entirely at ease about it at this point. But then again I’ve also never been insulted by any musicians,artists, designers, or their friends, family, employees or crazed psychotic fans when purchasing something. You would think things would be different on this scale. It’s scary that it’s far worse!

Come to think of it my favorite creative buying experiences were actually not spending a ton of money: a $50 limited edition Alex Pardee print from Zerofriends, a $100 Lucky Bunny print from Joseph Watson Gallery and a $10 CD from the band Burning Tree Project selling their own merch at a show. All were respectful, very grateful for the purchase/support and I didn’t have to drop 1k+ to get it.

Understand, I’m not truly talking about a purchase on the level of a box set of CD's, a $100 limited lithography or Knockoff Manolo's by Steve Madden. This is a purchase equivalent to buying a car. It’s a long term commitment and investment that I happened to take seriously until this interesting turn. It’s quite funny to me now.

My advice to The Musician: Honey, when you have people spewing filth to and about your buyers… You have a problem. If it’s not you or those employed by your company making the remarks, then you should find out who is disparaging your good name and deal with this cowardly individual(s) swiftly and deliberately. After all it makes for bad business and reflects poorly on you.

To anyone who wants to buy music, art or fashion etc. from their favorite creator then GO AFTER IT. Pursue it. It is their night/day/day/night job and they are usually very flattered you think so highly of their craft. Don’t be star-struck or shy.It is their gig and very much part of the territory that comes with it. If they are truly exceptional individuals they will try to accommodate your request.Even if your request happens to go through a few people to get to them, they will almost always try to make it work when & if they can. I’m only sharing this story in the hopes that anyone making a purchase will learn that no one gets to mistreat you when you are buying anything and you don’t have to be quiet about it. Truthfully, they need your support and you do not need theirs. Love yourself the most.

Kisses,

INAUTHENTIC PEOPLE NEVER GO AWAY - APRIL 27

Hi honey! You're from Brunswick OH and you brought a friend form Omaha NE today! I love that you have that lil ol identity/personality problem (so do your friends)! It's comical to me but unfortunately no one else can understand you when you don't finish your sentences!

Now what was that?

According to Kierkegaard you are leading an inauthentic life if you...

A) are not going to write complete sentences

B) live like a coward hiding your true locale [oh I have that info honey. Should I share?]

C) are going to think a lil word or two will stop anyone from living their life.

Please speak up!!! Until you do I'm going to just keep living loving and breathing the same as always! See ya round honey!

Kisses, m.

POSSIBLE - MAY 9

AT ANY COST - MAY 31

Only the guilty silence themselves & stop living when facing a challenge. Be authentic to yourself at any cost regardless of what is said to you or about you. If you have nothing to hide in life... Then don't hide a thing. Love yourself the most! Keep living, loving and breathing!

Kisses, m.

THE MOON HOUSE & ANTONINO CARDILLO IS A FAN - JUNE 14

There's nothing quite like a full moon. And Barbie happens to love dancing by the pale moonlight. It's no surprise she should find herself captivated by the light and shape of a house inspired by La Luna.

The Moon House

Antonino Cardillo designed the Moon House inspired by the shape and color of the heavenly lunar goddess that orbits Earth. It is made of concrete and shaped into a semi-spherical moon in two parts on a rectangular plot. It's imitation is meant to evoke the feeling that perhaps a celestial body has landed on Earth. And it can be inhabited. Interiors of this Melbourne-suburb home offer light and space.

Would you live in The Moon House?

Barbie would.

Kisses, m.

Updated: June 15, 2013
Images: Courtesy of Antonino Cardillo

*A Special Thank You to Antonino Cardillo for the updated images.

DREAM ROOMSPIRATION! - JULY 7

Barbie knows fashion, dreamhouses and interior function as well. She knows that every fabulously imaginative gal and guy not only dreams of a dream house to live in. They dream of a house filled with rooms that they can enjoy aesthetically and physically.

Sometimes things in life can be more fun than playing games. Even video games can come to life!

The Super Mario Bros Room

An art installation/living space by artist Antoinette J. Citizen created to resemble a scene from the classic video game: Super Mario Bros. minus Mario & his enemies. But I might imagine a few strategically placed pillow-shaped koopas & cutout Bowser or Mario characters might be fun in this scene.

Does this dream room inspire you? Would you live in a Video Game Room?

Barbie would!

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

HAPPY ENDINGS - JULY 19

1:11 - JULY 28

It's one-eleven on Sunday. There's a good chance I'm writing or not writing today. It's also a possibility that I don't exist and the writing I've done is completely insignificant. There's also a chance that you've interestingly enough lost interest with wasting my time and yours but it's unlikely.

I've been up for only three hours. It's the first time in two months I've slept in, really slept in. I opened my eyes to find my newest puppy, Charlie, standing beside my bed, looking at me and whining to go out. My foot hurts. I look down. My inclination to look at my foot when I wake up happens almost everyday now. Remarkably I hurt my foot while healing it.

Which is a story that isn't a story when you think about what really constitutes a story and what doesn't. It's more like an anecdote that sounds more like a complaint, but it isn't a complaint so much as it's a thing that happened because I wanted it to happen.

So I made it happen.

To rephrase, I made a nice man say yes to do something that I still wonder if he really wanted to do in the first place. I won't know because I'll never press into it. Some people can't lie to you and it's not fair to make them. Needless to say it's art, it's done and healed. Beautifully although not entirely without it's problems since I injured myself in the process of healing it. Which isn't the truth but it is at the same time.

Can something be the truth and a lie?

Why not.

I injured my foot last year and the process of healing it recently aggravated the injury. One could blame it on my newly acquired art or lack of proper shoes. But the blame lies with me. There's the truth and lie hidden in plain sight.

And now I'm writing but not writing. It's Sunday. You're not tired of wasting time. My foot hurts. The puppy is outside. I'm awake and laying on the bed. It's now 1:25 and you're wondering when this will...

CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRY BUBBLEGUM- JULY 29

Late last night early this morning is when I met with sleep.

It's 6:53am.

I'm awake.

I'm ambivalent.

There's a chocolate protein shake spinning in the background and Strawberry Bubblegum playing on my IPhone.

I'm enjoying the quiet minutes of the day before I greet my co-workers who I help to save the world one child at a time.

The quiet moments are interrupted by my brain that never really stops thinking.

The deep question of the moment: Heels or Flats? Of course the deep answer is Heels.

Heels hurt less and my indecision reminds me of Fight Club and how much I loathe that there's going to be a sequel. I just finished reading the first book. I still don't own it.

LIAR?

No. I'm not lying.

To loosely quote Brand New: “I've had time alone to hold my lying tongue.”

As Justin Timberlake plays I realize that this isn't my song of the day but I may be writing about him later...

As I put on my makeup I realize I'm happy I didn't have a beer last night.

Its 7:00. The song ends and before I hit repeat I take sip on my chocolate shake after I put down my blush brush. My fake blush mirrors the real thing but its not the real thing.

By 7:03 I realize that somewhere its late last night and someone is have a beer that's not real as they steal bubblegum that they won't enjoy.

and now its early and i don't plan to arrive late to work.

Enjoy the stolen bubblegum that'll be discarded when it loses its flavor and ache because you're missing the stolen glance of the girl you aren't pursuing because you wonder if she feels the same thing when all you have to do is tell her.

But I'm not missing the past this morning and the future remains to be seen...

It's 7:39 at the bottom of my chocolate shake the song has ended, my face is made and I'm ready to start another day.

kisses,

A COUPLE OF BEERS AND YOU'RE OFFENDED - AUGUST 7

A couple of beers and you're offended... Or things you shouldn't say sober while playing a record.

...I'm not drinking. That's what I tell him. I mean that's what I'll say. When he asks I'll say it. Or not.

It's not really the things you'll say. It's the things you'll do. I'm definitely not drinking a beer right now.

Maybe later? Maybe not. Why not?

Because the things you say aren't what you mean and things people mean to say are the things they'll never do. You have to love passive aggression.

But I'm not drinking a beer. I'm writing.

So, I'm listening to Sean Rowe. Not drinking. Writing. It's a writer's life for me? It's a life. A wonderful life. I'm not saying what I mean, but you get the point that I'm listening to music and writing. I'm writing about art this afternoon followed by a few people that I don't really know but might have met.

One person I don't know and haven't met is Sean Rowe but I have his new album spinning. It's the loveliest thing: a record. The best part about it being a record is that it was free because I asked for it. [*Thank you AntiRecords and Epitaph] It's a novelty because the only people who still have records besides moi are my DJ friends and the hipsters that are all snatching up records & players in the fear that they may soon leave this planet. People have been saying that for 20+ years now...

I continue to own records. I just picked up a new one, Sean Rowe, for free.

And I'm still not drinking.

Back to the art that should be free. It is free. Sort of and not really. It's online to see and free. It's in a gallery but not always free. And somewhere, definitely somewhere there's a beautiful work of art on an ugly wall hiding away miserably for no one to see because it wasn't and won't be free.

Now there's a question or two: Is it still ART if no one else can see it? What's the point of "one of a kind" if no one else can see it? Seems rather meaningless. Kind of like drinking.

It's meaningless to discuss meaningless art and with my last thought the record ends.

When the record ends with a skip it reminds me of days long gone when I used to hit the wall to make the floor vibrate and reset the player. But that's a memory from a very long time ago when passing someone on the street meant you stopped and said hello. Most people don't stop and say hello... but some still do. Now there's a recent memory I'd completely forgotten that makes me smile. After I finish my passing memory with a smile I reach over to put the needle back onto the record and before Sean Rowe can start to sing I begin to remember to say...

I'm not drinking.

IT'S LATER JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - AUGUST 8

It's later.

I'm writing about Justin Timberlake and you're wondering what it means and I'll tell you but not just yet.

You're not ready.

Why?

Because you're still making excuses about the girl that you'll never pursue & ache for her kiss. You'll say she met someone else first and blame all the things in-between that aren't really there. There where she stands and loves you, you'll make another excuse for denying that kiss. It's a memory, a bizarre memory in the present.

Like TV?

Nothing like the TV.

Real.

Present.

Stop Making Excuses.

It's painful to watch real life not happen because you're afraid to let it.

And its a bizarre love triangle situation that reminds me of a song and now I have to hear it.

Am I going to tell you about Justin Timberlake now?

Not yet.

But I do like his new album, suit & tie. It's smooth.

And that smooth album makes me think of a smooth panda wearing a suit & tie, his broken television and a lot of traffic on a Sunday morning longer than some time ago but earlier than a forgotten Fairytale.

The Panda had a suit, a Rabbit and a plan but I didn't catch their name only their game. A game that didn't end well because the Rabbit wanted to say "what's up" but didn't because he was distracted by that thought of me and the Panda.

a girl, a panda and a rabbit walk into an art gallery...

Bizarre?

Indeed.

And now its later and here's the thing: I met Justin Timberlake last week.

[liar? hush!]

I did meet Justin Timberlake... The Rat Terrier last week. He's rather sweet. And knows exactly how to stay quiet. He happened to stop me on my morning walk. So I picked up Justin Timberlake and returned him to his owner who was walking toward me quickly. As she hugged, kissed and squeezed JT like he'd been lost at sea, she said to me without recourse or reason:

“I can't imagine my life without Justin Timberlake. He's everything I need. No man could ever take his place. Once a man did try to come between us, but I told him how it was... You feel me?”

I smiled and started walking again. Before long she yelled out to me, “Do you have a dog?” I didn't answer her, but I waved goodbye to Justin Timberlake and kept moving.

You weren't ready for that.

But...

Hopefully you're ready for the girl.

Or the world.

Now or Later is a terrible thing to waste. Even if its only a candy.

So if you're ready...

Then you should GO!

REPLICATE - AUGUST 8

Sometimes I rhyme slow

Sometimes I rhyme quick

Sometimes I like to go swimming after midnight and replicate.

Sometimes I like to replicate...