“If someone says something unkind about you, live so no one will believe it.” – Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama often is someone I look to for the questions, answers and guidance when there are none for me to seek out. I delight in the joy of the world. The simple pleasures. As of late, I have not been able to focus totally on the joy in simply living. I am faced with a unique conundrum. It is an unkindness and it continues despite my efforts to try and quash the rift.
There is a person who I assume does not like me, yet wishes to be more like me. The situation confuses me to no end. I find it very awkward to have someone traipsing through my friends list to add more people so we will have them in common, imitating my interests for more commonalities, rebuking my support, refusing to be supportive of my creative efforts yet copying them and then making untrue conversations about my personal life. All I can do is continue to live as the Dalai Lama says so no one will believe the awfulness. Yet I now have to. I am faced with having to dispel an rumor thanks to an uncomfortable convo yesterday. In order to protect a guy friend (or two?) of mine from slander I am sharing more about moi than I really care to...
For the record, I'm not dating anyone. I didn't date anyone or had a date with anyone in about 3 months because I haven't had the time or rather I haven't met anyone who he & I mutually wanted to make time in our busy lives for dating each other.
However, herein lies the trouble... I have had the pleasure of spending time with a few different friends who I adore and are all great fellows. They really deserve the best; as perfect of women or men as their eye beholds... but they are guys who truly think nothing more of me than as a gal pal and again I see them as a dear friend. To imply that they are or ever were anything more than a friend is vicious and cruel to whomever they are currently dating or talking to. It's not appropriate to spread lies. Now I am ecstatic when any of my friends meet someone special and I am very protective of that for them. I'm uncertain why an untruth is being propelled. But ladies... If you want to date a guy tell him or ask him! Lady rules: Don't trash other women or men for an in with anyone. It will come back to you dolls! It's not cool.
Furthermore I don't think its cool to selectively chase men and force them to date you, so I don't do it. I talk to men and much like other people I might flirt with a cute guy but not behave badly. Certainly not with my friends. I may joke & flatter them but it's all in good energy if you really get to know me. I like to build people up because most people are always trying to tear others down. I'm not saying you rule out your friends for love, if things evolved naturally with a friend it would be great for both parties. It works or it doesn't. Friends don't want anything from you but your happiness. So it may work for you.
Personally I think if a man to decides if he wants to be in your life romantically he will ask you out on a date properly. Or make his intentions known. It shouldn't be forced. Bottom line: If a guy is a gentleman with intentions of getting to know you & wanting more than friendship he says so, then makes true on it and understands if you don't want to. Gentlemen take the lead. If a guy doesn't... he chooses your friendship without complaint. Gentlemen don't complain or put down women to others for not going to bed with them. There is no friendzone! Shy guys will step up. Don't confuse that.
Gossip is needless and I don't like rumors and hearsay because it's unkind. They are hurtful untruths that cause pain to others. People truly could think to get clarification before believing or repeating anything anyone says. Buddhism insists you learn the answers for yourself before accepting them as truth and trust no one but yourself for that task.
My advice to anyone, if you don't like someone stop bothering with knowing their friends, trying to see who they are with, following them around town or talking shit about them. I'm going to keep living because I enjoy what I do, who I know and where I go...
Accidental run-ins are fun for me personally and I love those with people who actually want to see moi when I'm paying attention.
So this story is the one of the D-men... Because there aren't always the nicest fellows in the world. Now in hindsight... Not always the nicest ladies either.
IT's NOT ABOUT ANYONE!!!! The stories are just stories! Not a double meaning or life lesson. If you get one... Great, you get one. If not, enjoy it. They aren't personal. It's sad to watch someone spin out over fiction because it's just words. And the D-women are coming. It's been a fun hiatus from sharing and I won't post many. I plan to publish this round. As I'm needing to step back again from writing.
Please be well and be kind to each other. Love yourselves. The more you love yourself the less likely you will be to harm others. Rumors and lies harm others despite that they are simply words. Don't spread them. You could easily be saying something untrue about your mothers/fathers, grandma/grandpa, daughters/sons, sisters/brothers and friends/cousins. Think about how unhappy it feels for anyone and try to be The Kindest Kind of person you can be.
Enjoy!
Kisses, m.
Dick
(3-28-2011)
“Dick!”
An open-handed slap accompanies the sharp tongue attached to an irritated woman who has already stormed away as people look on in the otherwise quiet restaurant. It’s a face and name I haven’t seen or heard in a while, but that doesn’t make this moment any less satisfying to watch.
Most women never forget about Dick once they met him. I know cause I never could.
After his date left the table Richard Blackwood sat very still with a smug smile on his face and motioned for the waiter to bring over another bottle of wine. Richard Blackwood was used to hearing his name spoken in this manner. In fact he often took great pleasure in hearing it roll off the tongue of women. He most definitely enjoyed being the thing that rolled out of their mouths. And by ‘this manner’ I am of course referring to the condescending tone. However, to Richard when hearing his name the tone mattered very little at all. Not nearly as much as hearing them say it like that…
Dick.
Whether it was breathy, brash or baritone Richard Blackwood couldn’t seem to get enough when a woman said his name. And in the end they all said it.
Just like that.
Richard Blackwood was an arrogant man with a knack for making everything unpleasant. He insisted that everyone he met call him Dick. Some women often found this request a bit hard to swallow and were instantly offended. Dick took this opportunity to make their embarrassment as humiliating as possible. Often chastising those women by remarking, “Now a little Dick never hurts now and again, unless you want it to.”
To say he wasn’t a nice man would be a rash understatement. There wasn’t a single person that could stand Dick for more than five minutes. Something was awful in everything he said, especially about others. With his nasty attitude Dick could hardly be mistaken for a human being let alone find himself filled with any type of compassion.
And that was the proverbial icing on the cake.
For you see, Dick Blackwood had the ability to encourage others to see things as miserably as possible and relished in it. Dick could find the unhappiest person in a room and make them feel worse. If ever you doubted your position while standing on the window ledge twenty stories up, Dick would have no problem helping you find your motivation… to jump.
Honestly who wouldn’t after talking to Dick? You might jump, if meant getting away.
Although Dick was far from superior he had something a woman might put up a fight for. Something about the way he wore his pants too tight helped to demonstrate the reason that outweighed his obnoxiousness.
Some men are simply attractive by the qualities they possess. Charm. Finesse. Attitude. Dick wasn’t one of those kinds of men. Attractive came with the package. Like a hotel perk it was a great room with a view that happened to be located in the acid-tripping smoking section. And like the poorly misplaced hotel room, the self -serving arrogant condescending qualities were just the tip of the iceberg. Below the shallow surface lay a man that could only be described in one way…
DICK!
Dick is the kind of man your mother ought to have warned you about, except that chances are she probably wasted her time on him as well. For despite his shortcomings, he definitely had a way with women. An unprecedented way of getting them to do exactly as he wished before making sure they never stuck around for too long. At least that’s what he liked to believe. As with a man like Dick you have to understand he believes he has an agenda. Unbeknownst to him, this way with women had nothing to do with him.
You see, all a woman really wanted from Dick was to come between him and his pants and sometimes that meant more than she bargained for.
Someone might tell you a silence is worth a thousand words. Well that person never met Dick. Dick almost never shut up. He might tell you that your hair is all wrong or that you look like your left leg is shorter than your right. This is before telling you that you’re almost as pretty as the old woman sitting next to you. All of this and more guaranteed to get you to talk to him when talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do.
Somewhere between introducing himself and chatting with a woman he would start in. Slowly but surely he would look for a tiny vulnerability that guaranteed he wouldn’t stop talking. If only to prove that he was completely right by making you completely miserable, but by that point it’s too late. Invested in the stock of flesh and unable to pull out. You’re already in too far to turn back now.
Dick Blackwood happened to be anything but charming when he crossed my path. I met him on the street with his tight pants and unpleasantness. Something on the inside may have told me to go the other way when he said hello but instead I smiled back. And once he started in I couldn’t get enough. I found myself agreeing to so much more than dinner and drinks before I could stop.
Dick used insult and unpleasantness to get what he wanted. Thinking it worked, as it had so many times before, he continued because Dick liked it when he got his way. More than anything else he was contented to recognize this. So it came to me as no surprise when his lack of regard and vanity extended well beyond his introduction.
Dinner with Dick was an exercise in restraint. Everything he had learned about me became fodder for insult. It was always how I was inadequate and when I wasn’t the rest of the restaurant was completely worthless. And when the rest of the world wasn’t worthless he was telling about all the things he wanted to do after he took me home if I didn’t ruin things. My ruining things wasn’t the problem I had worried about when he kept talking. But he continued.
After the first course I stayed when wanted to leave. Even after I thought I had enough of him I remained. When I remember how I wanted to walk away from the table I was wondering how anyone got into bed with this man. Then I realized if I had walked away at dinner instead of putting up with a little more I might never have understood why women took as much as they did from Dick…
Control.
It was the piece of the man that you had right from the start.
When I think back to that night when I separated that man from his pants. I remember how I let Dick roll off my tongue more times than I can count. And I know what it was that I couldn’t forget. It was the power of knowing what sent that man spinning. Spinning because he thought he had the upper hand and knowing that in one word he couldn’t get enough. And remembering how I walked away from a man like that because it was my decision when I came and left from his life. Something smug continues to widen his grin across from me, when I realize what it is. As he’s pouring the wine his date is coming back. And I can’t blame her. I might have done the same thing.
