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Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.

- Audrey Niffenegger

It's no great mystery that I obsess over my circadian shifts and sleep related things because of them. Once in a while I have to explain to people that my unique sleep patterns aren't insomnia, I don't lose sleep or get tired and most of the time I'm fully rested and look it. I just sleep at odd intervals and my body adjusts to it. No clue why. It is just how I function. I go with it! But I do love my caffeine regardless if I need it. 

Do you sleep?  

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

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Sorry dolls, I don't go to sleep to dream... Sometimes it happens though. I do work hard to make my dreams come true everyday.

Enjoy!
Kisses, m

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There was a time I was writing my sleeping dreams down in a journal my sister gave me. Usually to use them for fiction or keep personal. Often I never shared them unless it was in the capacity of a fictional story which I never told. Most days I usually still scribble ideas down on myself or a scrap of paper for stories but I don't tell people whichare sleeping dreams. Here's a dream I shared with my sister in part of a letter...

Do you share your sleeping dreams with everyone?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Dancing on the edge...

(8-31-2010)

**Taken from an letter written to my sister...

Dancing on the edge… or things that happen when you’re not sleeping.

A man keeps putting his head in a lion’s mouth and taking it out again. This is happening while I’m smoking a bubble gum cigarette and you keep telling me about people living on the edge. That’s when I tell you that you’re supposed to get as close to the edge as possible without falling off. After I say this you take out a gun and shoot the invisible man who isn’t invisible when he bleeds. Only he’s not wounded because it was an invisible bullet and the man putting his head in the lion’s mouth is asking if this is far enough while he’s holding open the jaw of the beast. 

On the edge of the waking dream, I keep thinking of lunches and emails. I think of how something is nothing. Nothing at all. I think of fairy tales and how life isn’t one of them. This is before I think that every fairy tale has a happy ending if you let it. 

That’s the problem with most people they think you get something for nothing. Try reading fairy tales. No, try really reading them. Most of them aren’t magical or happy. In fact most of them require payment or retribution for a reward. And almost never does prince charming walk away with the fair maiden. Never does anyone get what they want without losing something first. A hand, a finger, a foot, a head, a parent, a child, a large amount of money, or a past life. Anything that is worth having comes with a sacrifice and a scar. No one is alive without paying the price. 

Its sometime around 8am I’m completely awake instead of lucid and realizing that I’ve partly failed in attempting to accomplish something new, but at least it was done and I’m about to do it again cause I don’t believe them when they tell me “that part of your brain doesn’t work when you are in a sleep state.”

Now you are confused so let me explain… Salvador Dali sometimes painted while inducing his sleep. He would fall asleep with his chin cupped in his hand. And pencil or paintbrush in tow. So that once he had reached this half cognitive state he would paint. Decidedly I’ve tried to manipulate this lucidity for the purpose of writing. My experiment produced several lines that were badly misspelled, however completely coherent. It was less than desired but far more than expected because this is the part of your brain that isn’t supposed to be working like this.

Something else I’ve been wondering before 10am this morning is the need for more art in the world. There really truly isn’t enough. And then there is the concern with money. The matter that there is simply never enough. If you stop to think if there will ever be enough you will be wondering that for a long time. It’s always about the money, when it shouldn’t be. Art, literature, music and so many things should be free. Because unlike someone tells me…  not everything has a price tag. Some things are free when others can not be. It isn’t a criticism of one it is of the world we live in. Everyone should see a Dali, or a Rembrandt in person without cost but that isn’t the world we live in. Someday this will not be the case and there will be no monetary need, but that is not today. 

Sometimes to create something beautiful or grand it must come at a cost. It’s not without its sacrifice, but sometimes to do what is wanted you must first do what is needed. There are consequences in life, but they are always at the result of our choices. Good or bad. Rich or poor. Nothing is permanent. Even when soon is not soon enough. You don’t stop dreaming because it doesn’t work the first time. 

This is why you dance with the unknown above the terrifying edge of life. Dancing on the edge of disaster is like walking hand in hand with the devil you know. You should never stand in the middle of the island. Although it is safe and sound, no ship can see you for rescue. Have you ever danced on the edge before? I have. It is worth it. So go on then… Dance on the edge of the cliff. Look over the dizzying edge without falling off. Balance lies in the ability look as far as you can without tumbling off the edge. Don’t be afraid to fall off.  

How far into the mouth of the lion can you stick your head without losing it? This of course is an odd question to formulate when I’m not leaning in far enough… YET. But still leaning.

Back to lunches and emails where there’s no such thing as invisible people, fairy tales only have happy endings if you let them, where something is in fact nothing without a scar and all of it is only a story of what has already happened. Back to the places that live on the edges of forced lucidity. Back to where nothing makes more sense than something. And although something is not standing directly in front of you doesn’t mean it’s not out there. Lean in a little more if you can’t see it… YET.

-m.

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“My soul is an enchanted boat,

Which, like a sleeping swan, doth float

Upon the silver waves of thy sweet singing” 

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

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“The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads...”

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I don't have an insomnia problem but I'm awake at night some of the time. I feel bad for insomniacs who don't enjoy this delightful gift... because on some level I know they don't get a reprieve. While my circadian clock will shift back theirs do not. I suggest trying to enjoy it. Or you could try to...

Do you and your friends have insomnia? Do you enjoy it?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Sleep: Dreams and Nightmares 39

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” 

Thoreau

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Something I rarely discuss is my irregular circadian clock. [which I've had forever and why I write or draw at night[ It keeps me from sleeping regular cycles often. I do not suffer from insomnia. But I enjoy frequent shifts of sleep to day versus night. And often that means enjoying weeks relying on 3-5 hrs of sleep without effort. 

What I do find fascinating those who do sleep. Sleep is considered something of meditative in Buddhism.  Often I admire those able to balance rest and living... And those just able to sleep. Why? Because I must meditate several times daily to quiet my mind... It is a practiced skill; a habit. Those who rest or sleep for a disciplined period can simply let their thoughts go.

Do you have insomnia? Or how do you sleep? :)

Enjoy!

Kisses,

m.

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I sleep with my feet on moss carpets, my branches in the cotton of the clouds.

-anäis nin

M. Barber

Golden Afternoon Light - M. Barber

paint? fetish? - M. Barber

fetish - tyler shields

Do you have a fetish for feet or sleep or are you a photographer that borrows ideas from fans on instagram without crediting them? Well darling, I borrow back. Do you like Tyler Shields photography? I do. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

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“Let her sleep 

For when she wakes, 

She will move mountains.”

-Napoleon 

Dreaming of Paris - Tyler Shields Photography

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“Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. 

- T.S. Eliot

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A Dream Within a Dream

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow —

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone? 

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand —

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep — while I weep!

O God! Can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

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Photo credit: Jordan Matter/Dancers Among Us - Kara Lozanovski

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A pair is square. Four or more is a party. Water Drops. 2013.

"Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream."

Lao Tzu

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Woman Sleeping in a Landscape - Salvador Dali

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“To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.”

-Hamlet

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Les Miserables - Official Trailer HD song f/ I dreamed a dream

"I dreamed a dream…" 

I loved and continue to love Les Miserables the musical and enjoyed the film recently. And although I am uncertain of many things I'm certain there's a great deal of sadness in seeing someone lose their dream. For dreams are what enrich the spirit and keep your passions alive. Dreams are meant to come true and the best dreams that you can experience are the ones that happen when you are awake. 

We all have a dream that lives within our hearts and heads. It's this magic spark that keeps us inspired and longing for more. The dream you dream is always something that can or could be if you have the drive to pursue it. For this imagining that rests in the front of your mind is most possible through pursuit. 

And what are you doing or going to do to see your dream come true?  Because your dream can only come true if you chase it down and catch it. Be afraid. Take a chance anyway. You might get what you want. 

kisses, 

m.

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“The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead. To love. To be loved. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.”

—	Arundhati Roy

Dreams, there are many worth having and ultimately if you could only have one it should be living. Dreams like people are Priceless. Unique. We are all the same, and very different. 

As far as it goes: Do what you want as long as you hurt no one intentionally. Essentially, throw no one under the bus to save yourself. Under no circumstances is that line of behavior acceptable. Always love. I can’t ever say that enough. If you want love, then you have to give it. Even to complete strangers you should share your compassion.  Do not place your happiness in things that you cannot control.  And you can’t control people.  And I was wrong, the tears of compassion will come whether you want them or not. You can’t stop people from caring. And you can’t stop yourself either. Compassion makes everyone a better person. Tears are only wasted if they are in vain.

Know your rights, know your value, take no nonsense from anyone, respect others, listen to others, be your own person, develop your own opinions, learn to compromise, use your own voice,  try different things, think simpler and take yourself out of the equation sometimes.

Priceless. Everyone is of value and they have a right to have a dream. Go big! Every person is unique and worth every ounce of love. Focus on what is there not what isn’t. What has yet to come, will happen regardless of thinking, worrying, or focusing on it. And trust that it will. Love like life is all around you and within; trust that first and foremost. No one should lose sight of that while living.

Do you know your value? When was the last time you told someone in front of you they mattered? Your words will have an impact. What do you think will happen?

Kisses.

m.

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"On Death"

I.

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain's to die.

II.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.

- John Keats.

If life is the dream… you should live every moment as if it were the last one. Enjoyed to the fullest. And death should be faced without fear, as if it were no more significant than sleep.  

-m.