Portraiture

Balance is a great thing if you can find it. Attacking & blaming others won’t bring things into order. Standing your ground and maintaining yourself however can bring order to chaos. Some people don’t like to be wrong. I don’t mind being wrong, I learn from it but when I’m right... I do love it. 

Funny thing that people will show you the side of them they want you to believe in. I prefer to believe in the people that show me their truest self... scars, scrapes, failures, mistakes and all. The devil you know is better than  someone pretending to be angelic. Sometimes it’s easier to trust your heart with people who’ve been hurt too.

In portraits people will show you & tell you what they want you to see with the camera... not entirely all what truly is. There’s no basis for what is actually there because it’s a manipulation of the moment. Much like the things people will say or do... you can’t put much stock into their words if you never see beyond what they want you to. 

Be wary of taking advice from people who don’t take their own advice... especially when they don’t have your best interests at heart. Looking at others faces, bodies and mannerisms will tell you nothing about yourself. Love yourself more.

Life isn’t a portrait... it and the people in it are always changing. Embrace it and... Don’t count the drops of kindness you give out. Give of yourself freely.

Here’s one from the depths of Immersed... it was formerly called Water. Everything changes... this series  had to change names because it never had anything to do with music or such things. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Break

 (8-9-2017)

“I can’t believe you can still break my heart.”

 

The distance between our two bodies is less than a foot. I can feel the apprehension in the grip of his hand in mine. The cool salt water splashes over our skin as his eyes well up. It’s not his intention to be distant or to cause harm to my heart, so my words penetrate his mind like a knife. Taking a deep breath he swallows before reaching over to touch my face. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you’re just hurting. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But…”

 

The tide is calm around his face. I want to turn away as he stops to look in my eyes. I know he doesn’t have the words. We have to be apart someday and I knew this going into things. I knew he’d have to leave but I stayed by his side trying to avoid this day coming. 

 

“You could come with me.”

“I can’t.”

“But what do you have?”

“I have…”

“You hate your job, your family is a phone call away and everything else is a flight away.”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re the only one breaking your own heart. I want you to come with me.”

 

It’s my turn to shed the tears. As he pulls me closer, never letting go of my hand, the salt water falls from my eyes. The sun is setting behind us and the waves gently touching the shoreline as we embrace. There’s every reason to go with him and yet I can’t bring myself to follow him on his adventure. 

 

“What happens when I stay?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

“Why? Will you stop loving me if I stay?”

“No, I will always love you.”

“Then?”

“I can’t believe you’d break my heart.”

 

Thoughts

Overthinking is not the best use of time... a friend of mine says it’s interesting that thoughts can be so destructive when left unattended. I remind him often that filling a tub with water isn’t dangerous but if you leave the spout running unattended it can be quite destructive. The mind is a terribly powerful tool... use it wisely. 

The last parable wasn’t about the people who think it’s about them. I really do have a very old friend that tries my patience with bad behavior. In fact shortly after that post my friend behaved badly again.

Now when someone calls you by anything other than your name or nickname do you think you are being talked to? No. So why assume the worst is being said against you? Love yourself enough to believe that what others say isn’t necessarily about you. If it is... they’re behaving badly by not approaching you about it privately and it reflects their character, not yours.

With that said, none of us are perfect humans... my thoughts for anyone who saw themselves in my words: Work on yourself if you could think it’s about you. Maybe there is someone or multiple people in your life that you aren’t the nicest to and you feel a hint of regret. Sort it out. You'll have no judgment from me, only distance if you treat me poorly.

In Buddhism, compassion is wanting others to be free from suffering and love is wanting others to be happy. I think if you can alleviate anyone’s suffering so they’re able to find happiness then it’s a positive thing. And you don’t have to be Buddhist to be nice or hold compassion for others. It’s a reflection of the love you have for yourself.

We are all a work in progress on this journey... 

Here’s something about nothing but reminds me of happier thoughts.

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Happy

(8-27-14)

Happiness is my heart. In a small moment I’m alone in a crowded room. Surrounded by the love and happiness of the souls around me. The warmth that fills my soul expands and contracts with my thoughts. The essence of the trees shifts with the wind. 

Slowly the switch of the light changes the mood of crowd. A man flicks his cigarette and I’m lost in the sea. I can smell this morning in the puff of smoke that carries across the sea of faces. I can see his face in the dusk cascading off the white wall. His eyes smile. I wish this moment was the present. But it’s not. It’s a memory where I know he’s sitting across from me. I’m happy thinking of him. But I know I need to return to the present. 

Presents are spilling out her bag as she walks up. I love the way she wears her hair in a bandana. The instant I see her messy curls spilling out and bouncing in the wind. I think of the hints of color in his hair, her black highlighted curls and I’m spinning backwards into his smile.  I’m involved in this self-centered thought where he’s watching me quietly. But he’s not here. 

Here the warmth of the day surrounding me like a lover’s absent hug and I’m imagining the touch that matches his smile. Returning from my thoughts I watch a couple across the room giggling coo’s of tenderness. 

Tenderness in their touch sends me aching into a memory anticipating what could come. I’m struggling for the present moment when all I can think of is the future and the past in my mind’s eye. When I stop to breathe I think of the electricity in those eyes.

Damn those electric eyes. 

I’m happy.

Style Icon : Melanie Pullen’s High Fashion Crime Scenes

Crimes of passion aren’t that common and high fashion crimes are even rarer... Photographer Melanie Pullen captures the beauty and simplicity in fashionable crime scenes.

Style Icon : Melanie Pullen’s High Fashion Crimes 

Focal Point

Where your mind goes is where you’ll end up. You only carry the weight of what you keep in your focus. Without a balanced mind you don’t have a focal point to devote to achieving goals. You gotta learn to find balance within yourself to be able to focus on other things. Don’t let anyone tell you not to spend time working on yourself. 

When I started writing... It was darkness. As gritty and disturbing as I could. Lightness was never a thought. Due to its nature I wrote under a pen name. Mostly because they wouldn't publish it under a woman. An attractive woman they said "shouldn't write things like this! Why not write about love?" After years of lacking the balance, I found the lightness at the urging of a colleague who doesn’t care for who I become in the darkness and now I’m capable of focus that allows me to walk between the light & dark parts of myself to create.

We all walk between lightness & darkness. It's a choice to be happy or sad or angry or calm. Darkness or Light. And... It's also a choice to create. The balance & focus to work with both at will & not be ruled by either is liberating. Creating at will rather than need to be consumed by my emotional state was a risk but worth developing. 

Change is a constant. You control the balance in your life and hone it into a disciplined focus. 

Anyway. Here's a bit of fun from the novel... I'll let you decide how dark it is. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Dedicated

(11-2012)

“You’re leading an inauthentic life if you…” trails off the audio book in my newly detailed BMW S-series hybrid sedan that my agent has me driving for the sheer fact that ‘when you’re somebody damn it, then you’re environmentally conscious in this town’ quote unquote. 

I am somebody.

Traffic has slowed to a complete stop on the 405 while the wannabe Chopra dictates how to live a more authentic life and instead of really listening all I can focus on is the license plate in front of me that reads BIG THINGS resting above an enormous pair of balls. The larger the balls the bigger the man reads the bumper sticker resting next to the ridiculously extreme nut sack in front of me. 

Alton once told me that only the most obnoxious form of trash places those adornments on their cars. We were sitting in front of some newly opened art café in the last years oh so trendy Piedmont district when she carefully pointed out the obvious offender with two of her fingers snuggly secure in a ring containing a pair of obscenely large sapphires on her right hand.  She went on to say, “Men put their ego on display by showing off their balls and women tuck their ego neatly into a pair of overpriced shoes or a piece of jewelry,” before flashing her green finger bobbles above a pair of matching Peacock Louboutins she’d stolen from my closet. 

As I stop in the middle of the memory to wonder who she’d stolen the ring from I’m yanked forward when the traffic shifts and the Faux-pra is now telling me to “fully commit to your dream” after saying “anything is possible” before jumping back to the tagline “dedicate your life to authenticity” then disc 5 ends and traffic stops once more.

“If you want your career to go anywhere you have to be dedicated to what you are doing,” Continues Guru Zero as the traffic crawls to a stop and I realize I'm not going anywhere. “How dedicated are you?” 

K.I.S.S.

Keep it simple sweetie. You don’t have to mistreat others in order to treat yourself better. Loving yourself has no room for hating anything or anyone else. When you love yourself that extends out to others without a thought. You treat others as you wish to be treated. You apologize when you are wrong. You reach out and give without expectation back from others. Your love is what fills you so you give what’s left to all others. 

I don’t know if it’s a Buddhist lesson so much but it works for me... try to embrace that others are different and have different interests. Maybe instead of punishing or bullying others for not liking the things you do try to understand them. Honestly Dolls and Kens, you’ll get much more out of living when you accept others as they are and take an interest in them. Maybe they do like what you do, but differently?

I’m reminded of something I’ve been working on & cannot share right now. You see I took time over the last two and half years to work on the darkest character I’ve created to date and finish the novel. She’s a bit self centered & unhappy so it’s overwhelming at times. I didn’t interact well with others often when in her head so it’s been fun to see it wrapping up. Anyhoo, here’s a little something new that doesn’t know what to be, doesn’t fit in and has no home among the others but it’s new and trying to be more.

Truly love yourself and you will find love for others.

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Please

Please don’t write me a song.

Please don’t sing for me.

Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Please don’t say you love me.

Please don’t say you’ll care.

Please don’t make me wait for you, when you won’t be there.

Please be different.

Please be kind.

Please be honest and speak your mind.

Please give your opinions.

Please give your time.

Please give your heart when you ask for mine.

Please don’t lie to me.

Please don’t manipulate truth.

Please don’t tell me things that really happened aren’t real.

Please have an open heart.

Please have compassion in your soul.

Please be a better man, than those you’ve met before.

Please don’t make me jealous.

Please don’t play with my head.

Please don’t be cruel and make me watch the others you take to bed.

Please be warm.

Please be affectionate.

Please be aware of when to be dominant and when to be weak.

Please don’t hit me.

Please don’t harm others.

Please don’t think there’s strength or power in violence.

Please love yourself.

Please have love for others. 

Please let love guide you when have lost yourself along the way.

Please. Love.

Style Icon: 7 portraits by Helmut Newton

The photography of Helmut Newton has little to no concern with picturing everyday reality. His fashion and portrait photographs that have cemented his global reputation are unsettling, disturbing and controversial. It is through his vision they succeed in provoking and stimulating people to react.

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Are you familiar with Helmut Newton?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Week

 

The week comes and goes but strength is found within us everyday. There's nothing like enjoying the week with new experiences while appreciating things you have in your life. Here's an old one... 

Do you jump into new things or dwell on the past? 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Test the Water

(5-6-2010)

Honey. Go on now. It’s your turn. Well, what are you going to do? You can’t stand on the edge of the pool all day. There you go… a little closer. Test the water. A toe? Come on. The whole foot. Silly Girl. Of course it’s cold. You will adjust to the water once you’re swimming. Yes. I do know what I’m talking about. Stop shaking your head. It’s ok to be afraid. Just don’t let it stop you. When I was a little girl I didn’t know how to swim either. Your grandpa had to show me out at the McGovern’s lake. And we certainly didn’t have these little floaters you have. Keep going. The sooner you get in, it will feel better. That’s a girl! Like that. Both feet in. So brave. I was actually a bit older than you when I started to swim. Much more afraid than you too. Grandpa had to drag me out to the water and drop me in. It was far worse than being dragged to the bath tub. What a commotion it caused. Goodness gracious! I thought I was drowning in shallow water. A-a-ah. Leave those feet in there. Or I’ll put them back for you. See, there I was, putting up a fight. Just like you right now. Of course, nothing like your pouty little lip trying to be angry with me. Soon enough, I found out my kicking and screaming was about nothing. Took to it like a fish in water. Almost so much that I wouldn’t get out. Not even for dusk. Nearly took your two uncles and grandpa to wrestle me out of the lake that evening. I spent most of that summer swimming in the lake. Go on now, get it over with. Just dive in.

Style Icon: Richard Avedon

Avedon's work in fashion photography took him to legendary heights and made him infamous in design and fashion around the world and ultimately cemented his reputation as a sought after artist. Many of his iconic photos depict some of the most recognizable faces in history; models, actresses and actors, politicians, writers and artists. Almost always he captured a realer more authentic version of each person stripped of the branding society has come to know them for, creating a truer representation of their emotions and relatable expressions.

Style Icon: Richard Avedon 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

  

Are you a fan of Avedon's work?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Self Love

 

What is self love? You probably want to smack someone when they tell you to love yourself but it's really necessary and an integral part of loving others. Taking care of yourself is a form of self respect and ultimately the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for all your relationships. Here's a few examples of what self love looks like & it's not always about spoiling yourself... 

"Self Love means...

1. Choosing ourselves, even if it means upsetting others and not being popular anymore. Even if it means we leave a party before anyone else because we feel tired, overwhelmed, or just plain feel done with the crowd.

2. Telling what is true for us, not swallowing words that express what we truly feel, think, or want to do.

3. Giving our body the nurturing, rest, exercise, and comfort it needs to the best of our ability.

4. Wearing clothes that make us feel good and fit our personality instead of wearing clothes that are in fashion that we use to impress others.

5. Building a life that we love while we are single instead of waiting for our prince/princess to show up to explore life and to be happy.

6. Accepting ourselves with the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, and the smelly—all of it—and appreciate ourselves as whole people.

7. Making time to do whatever we love, just to play, without worrying about wasting time.

8. Owning our inner and outer beauty and complimenting ourselves without feeling guilty, arrogant, or entitled.

9. Not rehashing our past mistakes and dragging ourselves to a dark place when we know that we can only learn from the past; we can’t change it.

10. Spending some quality, connected time with ourselves instead of always watching TV or wasting time on the Internet.

11. Using discretion when sharing our heart, self, and dreams with others.

12. Trusting the path that our soul is on and making a genuine effort to become a conscious co-creator of our destiny.

13. Not blaming our parents for our current issues, and looking for ways to heal our wounds and change our dysfunctional patterned behaviors by reaching out to ministers, therapists, coaches, and healers.

14. Following what our gut/intuition says instead of living out of our brain and ego.

15. Staying in our integrity, both when it comes to ourselves and when interacting with others out in the world. This includes keeping ourselves in check regarding patterns such as lying, manipulating, co-depending, withholding, and pretending.

16. Allowing ourselves to dream big, without contaminating these dreams with judgments, our perceived limitations, or a lack of sense of deserving.

17. Knowing how we’re spending our emotional, mental, financial, and physical energy, and whether these activities bring back joy, connection, nurturing, rest, and creativity to our lives.

18. Taking responsibility for all of our experiences. Knowing that we have the ability for deeper self awareness and access to our intuition when it comes to making life choices.

19. Not labeling ourselves with others’ opinions of us, while having the courage to look inside to see if there might be some truth to them.

20. Learning to set boundaries that protect and nurture our relationships, with ourselves and others.

21. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes and not berating ourselves for making them. Instead, choosing to appreciate our desire to learn and grow.

22. Refusing to seek permission or approval to be ourselves. Recognizing that we, like everyone else, deserve to take up space on this planet just as who we are right now.

23. Loving and accepting ourselves even when we fail miserably at some of these self-love goals."

Kisses, m.

Buddhist Love

 

Do Buddhists love? Yes, fearlessly and faithfully without attachment. Often I think people can be driven apart by miscommunication... it takes so very little to honor another human and costs so much to be critical and unfaithful. 

Here's are the Buddhist Precepts rewritten from the perspective of loving another human.

Do you cause harm to others after telling them you love them? Or do you try to remain kind?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m. 

Because I love you, I promise never to harm you.
Because I love you, I promise to never take anything you don’t want to give me.
Because I love you, I’ll speak only truthfully and kindly to you.
Because I love you, I’ll treat your body with love.
Because I love you, I will keep my mind free from confusion so that I act only out of wisdom.

Photo credit: Tyler Shields/ Chromatic 

Friday Feelings: Breathlessly Consumed

Gossip and nosiness are things unnecessary in the world when direct contact is much easier. Why speculate when the truth shows loyalty? This doll is loyal to a fault when it comes to respect for her friends space & privacy and when she is consumed with missing them dearly or is concerned she makes a call or sends a message. Most of the time absences are rarely personal. Here's an old photo & poem from A Heart Found.

Do you get consumed by your own thoughts?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

 

Breathless.

Consumed.

Sightless. 

Senseless. 

Nearly lifeless.

I'm almost hopeless

Without a glimpse of you.

Maintaining my strength.

I make my way 

Forward. 

Guided only by the anticipation

Of your touch...

On my skin.

~m.

Being

 

“Be kind to yourself. Remember that when you abuse yourself, you will experience the anger, regret, and apathy of the bully as well as the depression, anxiety, and insecurity of the victim. Whatever you do, be kind to yourself.” 
― Vironika Tugaleva

Sometimes being is incredibly hard. It requires a moment to center yourself. Meditate. You have to remember that you are a human, and being a human is difficult. You want to do it all perfect, but sometimes things outside of your control force you to do otherwise. Those obstacles that stop you from doing what you want perfectly happen to get in the way sometimes. 

Take a deep breath. Try to remember that you, yourself are not your accomplishments or failures. The greatest way for you to move past critical thoughts, negative self talk and unclear feelings is by being gentler and kinder to yourself. Once you manifest positive voices on the inside and suppress the negative ones, your outlook on the outside will be improved. If you would wish someone else a great day, then have the same wish within your heart for your own great day. Self compassion is the key to feeling good about yourself. 

Having compassion means you don't mistreat others or let people mistreat you, including yourself. Having a bad reaction is human so don't beat yourself up. Even a zen master will give someone the finger in traffic if the right conditions present themselves. It doesn't make it right. Being kinder within helps you recognize & control yourself in moments where there's a more compassionate way. Love yourself.

Luna

Water.  It’s cleansing. Pure. Clears you of your sins. Maybe that’s why it’s water. It was going to be Water after Smoke. It relates to it but I can’t explain how. I think it really should’ve come after it. Why? Gossip is like sins…

And people love to gossip, other people love to believe and spread it. Still don’t quite understand the fascination of idle talk and want no part of it or the people that perpetuate it. I’ve spent the better part of the year chasing gossip with a metaphorical fly swatter to stop it instead of simply letting it happen. I’ve finally decided to let it happen and let it go. It didn’t hurt but it’s hard to watch people mistreat you without just cause because of someone’s lies especially after you’ve shown them compassion. Yes, gossip is hurtful & unnecessary manipulation. Look dolls, the manipulating won’t get you the job, the accomplishments or the man or woman but a lot of bad karma for yourself later. 

To dispel my own rumors for the record… I’m currently just living, hanging out with friends and pursuing my passions. I stay in and work out more than pop off at a concert or in the club. I still meditate, practice Buddhism & Christian beliefs. I don’t do drugs or get involved with my exes, married or taken men. Dated a bit this year and currently not involved not that it’s anyone’s business. I buckled down and modified my exercise routine & diet, started taking herbs and improved my health because I don’t believe in taking drugs, antibiotics & painkillers to mend broken bones or heal tattoos. Sorry to be so boring if you were hoping for something titillating it’s been a weird journey for me too but I am happy & grateful every day for my friends and family whom I love & adore to pieces. I hope this helps with the speculation which no one should have to ever clarify. 

Here’s a piece from Water about time spent alone. You’re supposed to be alone once and again. You know, it’s part of the cycle of living.  Making your way through water to swim or move… you have to do it alone. I recently found out one of my favorite Ken’s is in love and I couldn’t be happier for him… despite his luck in the past he’s always been such a charmer with this doll, so this is wonderful news. I do love to see the love even when I’m flying solo. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Luna

Spinning backwards into my own cocoon of water after I push his hand away again, I need to move forward on my own. I insist he moves on without me and I’ll catch up. There’s nothing like trust and sometimes making my own way is necessary. It’s a full moon and there’s nothing like a midnight swim to calm the mind. 

“Luna,” he says with a calm resolve, “Your mind wanders too much.” 

“How do you mean?” I ask him. 

“You already are ahead of me with your words and movements.” 

With a smile I move away from the dock and reach up out of the ocean currents. “If you want you can catch some waves while I swim out to the breaker.” 

“It’s fine. Go on. I’ll go back to the house and take Miko for a walk.”

We nearly lost each other once and we’re thankful to both be alive. The waves weren’t the issue then, the weight of the water was. He couldn’t let go of the unnecessary gear tying us down. 

Tied down. Halfway to the breaker, I’m caught. There’s a fishing line wrapped around my ankle. It’s tight but I’m agile with my movements. Quickly my fingers make work of the tiny wires in the cold waters. Knowing I’m not moving fast enough I ascend. With a gasp I’m up in the night again and back underwater wrestling with my anchor. 

To my surprise an set of extra fingers snaps the invisible cord and I find my freedom. Mostly silence echoes across the ocean currents as I emerge, until I hear Miko’s splashing paws as Griffin’s warm arms wrap around me. 

“I can’t leave you alone for a second!” the laughter escapes me.

“Almost lost my mind without you and Miko preferred a swim.”

Photo Credit: Diego Munoz

Universe Rules

The universe has its own rules. You can go against the order and it's fun to watch someone do that. Or you can go with it. I like to go with it whether there's joy, tears or anger to see what happens from it. Now I don't unpack and live in the dark places but I visit them because it's sanity.

Yes... You get good karma by doing good things. You do bad things vice versa. And sometimes karma hurts the ones you love instead so be careful. So why do bad things happen to good people? Honestly, to remove them from a  situation. 

Recently life has been hard for the universe is pressing me to change & make the choice to distance myself from bad energy. No, I'm not ready to deal but we never are. Nonetheless I've been letting my self compassion and self love guide me.

So my job dumped on me. Overwhelming meanness of needless kinds. I have cried a lot, it's hard to cope when the shell of perception breaks for the first time. But eventually you learn how to deal because you care for yourself. 

I've lost a friends over the last while because I simply love myself too much to condone abuse of myself or others through their actions. It is hard to see how departure is positive but it's been nothing but good fortune in my life. The universe is working to your highest good at all times. 

An ex and a friend of the ex have propositioned me in the last 48hrs. My ex has a girlfriend. The friend does as well. Got angry with this situation because I don't believe in adultery or have a desire to be with the friend of an ex even if he is single. But I'm letting it go. Life isn't a TV show. That's messiness for no reason and again my self love goes further than that. 

So where does Buddha or God help? Compassion and forgiveness do not mean you have to let situations or people mistreat you or others without accountability. We are all on this earth to be happy & kind. Anything else is noise. We are not good or bad people for choosing to stand our ground or have beliefs. It's necessary.

My suggestion, next time you are having a bad day/night or make someone's actions about you then retaliate to hurt them... Realize it's not about you. Ask them first & give them an out. They're someone's daughter, son, sister, brother, mother, father, friend, lover and etc. going through life. Let it go. It's your perception not theirs. Practice compassion and honesty with them before resorting to being mean, spreading problems (misinformation, lies, gossip) and creating hostile situations. Try to offer diplomacy. Why? You will find yourself or your loved ones in the same situation when karma is restored. If you want to burn your life then fine, but remember not everyone wants to join you. 

Anyhow, there's new writing I'm thinking of sharing instead of only publishing. Nothing I write is of others I know or around me. I won't discuss or defend it. With that I'll quote Matisse. 

Here's an old one about attempting to get what you want. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Want

10/7/2010

Baby, pick up the phone. I want to talk to you. You know you want to talk about it. You always want to talk about it. Honey, it’s cold out here. I know you’re still in there cause you just hung up on me thirteen times. But I’m glad you decided to let the machine get it this time. It takes a bigger person to admit they’re wrong. Whoa Whoa… Baby, don’t hang up!

Don’t hang up! Please listen. I can be… I’m wrong. It can all be my fault. You were completely right about things. I should have never said that about your mother after I said that thing about your father. Let me in. Mr. Collier has just turned on his front porch light and has binoculars. I don’t want the neighbors to see. I know I should have left things be and thought about that before…  Damn!

Quit hanging up. Answer the line. Talk to me. Half the neighborhood can hear me yelling. And turning on the sprinklers was a low blow. What do you want? I can’t leave. Where am I gonna go like this? Let me in the house. I won’t break anything. Not that you haven’t already started. I can hear the dishes out here. Let me guess now you’ll want more dishes to break next time. WAIT!  

Hold on. What do you want? You don’t want my apology. You don’t want anything. You’ve shut me out here in the cold. There’s nothing but people gawking at us and listening to our… my conversation. You don’t care do you? That this all means nothing. You don’t know why it happened. But it’s my fault. So what now… What do I want? Let me tell you what I want. I just want my pants back.