Sleep: Dreams and Nightmares 43

There was a time I was writing my sleeping dreams down in a journal my sister gave me. Usually to use them for fiction or keep personal. Often I never shared them unless it was in the capacity of a fictional story which I never told. Most days I usually still scribble ideas down on myself or a scrap of paper for stories but I don't tell people whichare sleeping dreams. Here's a dream I shared with my sister in part of a letter...

Do you share your sleeping dreams with everyone?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Dancing on the edge...

(8-31-2010)

**Taken from an letter written to my sister...

Dancing on the edge… or things that happen when you’re not sleeping.

A man keeps putting his head in a lion’s mouth and taking it out again. This is happening while I’m smoking a bubble gum cigarette and you keep telling me about people living on the edge. That’s when I tell you that you’re supposed to get as close to the edge as possible without falling off. After I say this you take out a gun and shoot the invisible man who isn’t invisible when he bleeds. Only he’s not wounded because it was an invisible bullet and the man putting his head in the lion’s mouth is asking if this is far enough while he’s holding open the jaw of the beast. 

On the edge of the waking dream, I keep thinking of lunches and emails. I think of how something is nothing. Nothing at all. I think of fairy tales and how life isn’t one of them. This is before I think that every fairy tale has a happy ending if you let it. 

That’s the problem with most people they think you get something for nothing. Try reading fairy tales. No, try really reading them. Most of them aren’t magical or happy. In fact most of them require payment or retribution for a reward. And almost never does prince charming walk away with the fair maiden. Never does anyone get what they want without losing something first. A hand, a finger, a foot, a head, a parent, a child, a large amount of money, or a past life. Anything that is worth having comes with a sacrifice and a scar. No one is alive without paying the price. 

Its sometime around 8am I’m completely awake instead of lucid and realizing that I’ve partly failed in attempting to accomplish something new, but at least it was done and I’m about to do it again cause I don’t believe them when they tell me “that part of your brain doesn’t work when you are in a sleep state.”

Now you are confused so let me explain… Salvador Dali sometimes painted while inducing his sleep. He would fall asleep with his chin cupped in his hand. And pencil or paintbrush in tow. So that once he had reached this half cognitive state he would paint. Decidedly I’ve tried to manipulate this lucidity for the purpose of writing. My experiment produced several lines that were badly misspelled, however completely coherent. It was less than desired but far more than expected because this is the part of your brain that isn’t supposed to be working like this.

Something else I’ve been wondering before 10am this morning is the need for more art in the world. There really truly isn’t enough. And then there is the concern with money. The matter that there is simply never enough. If you stop to think if there will ever be enough you will be wondering that for a long time. It’s always about the money, when it shouldn’t be. Art, literature, music and so many things should be free. Because unlike someone tells me…  not everything has a price tag. Some things are free when others can not be. It isn’t a criticism of one it is of the world we live in. Everyone should see a Dali, or a Rembrandt in person without cost but that isn’t the world we live in. Someday this will not be the case and there will be no monetary need, but that is not today. 

Sometimes to create something beautiful or grand it must come at a cost. It’s not without its sacrifice, but sometimes to do what is wanted you must first do what is needed. There are consequences in life, but they are always at the result of our choices. Good or bad. Rich or poor. Nothing is permanent. Even when soon is not soon enough. You don’t stop dreaming because it doesn’t work the first time. 

This is why you dance with the unknown above the terrifying edge of life. Dancing on the edge of disaster is like walking hand in hand with the devil you know. You should never stand in the middle of the island. Although it is safe and sound, no ship can see you for rescue. Have you ever danced on the edge before? I have. It is worth it. So go on then… Dance on the edge of the cliff. Look over the dizzying edge without falling off. Balance lies in the ability look as far as you can without tumbling off the edge. Don’t be afraid to fall off.  

How far into the mouth of the lion can you stick your head without losing it? This of course is an odd question to formulate when I’m not leaning in far enough… YET. But still leaning.

Back to lunches and emails where there’s no such thing as invisible people, fairy tales only have happy endings if you let them, where something is in fact nothing without a scar and all of it is only a story of what has already happened. Back to the places that live on the edges of forced lucidity. Back to where nothing makes more sense than something. And although something is not standing directly in front of you doesn’t mean it’s not out there. Lean in a little more if you can’t see it… YET.

-m.

Rise

A mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.

A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.

Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.

Immature people falling in love destroy each others’ freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness

-Osho

Famous

Fame Kills c/o tylershields.com

"Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. " Andy Warhol

The story 15 minutes was written as a request from my sister and the title borrows the idea from Mr. Warhol's lovely quote. I think Warhol was a genius when he said it. Mostly because now I think it's the celebrity that people want. Why? Because it's not that they want to be remembered for doing something, it's that they want to be remember for being somebody. No one cares if you've invented the next big breakthrough for curing AIDS. That's a nice thing they'll say before asking about the dirt. Of course they'll certainly want to know your dirty laundry. It's unnecessary but people want to know those very personal and intimate details on the TV, the internet, via text message and so forth. And they aren't afraid to ask it. 

I clearly recognize the need for capitalism but to a degree I tend to believe that maintaining a personal life outside of the public eye ought to be something more desirable than fame. Not everything needs to be fodder for the news broadcasts, the tabloids, or social media. And the repercussions of that kind of  celebrity whether it is the news or the gossip shows continues to be bad for anyone. It puts people into the public eye when it is unnecessary. "Sex, drugs and dying makes headlines, so lets sell it!"

The small melodramas of life, are broadcast and placed under public scrutiny. And it's not limited to a blurb on the news. Change the channel over and over again.  We see people flogged, publicly chastised for making a mistake that everyday people make. But since it is on TV let's throw stones at them! Bottom line: No one needs to hear someone's dirty laundry, but will that stop them from seeking it out? No. There will continue to be television that emphasizes drama over action or craft. 

Needless to say I'm not impressed by that aspect of celebrity; the idea that fame will come from simply doing nothing. And I have to admit there's something about people impressed by that particular aspect of celebrity that I find a bit irritating. Now as far as it goes I am impressed by a person who does their job and does it well. Putting yourself out there to do your craft is amazing. Whether that means you are a plumber, a guitar player, a teacher, a doctor or an actor. Regardless if it is televised. You strike out in this life to be successful not food for gossip. Success and fame are not the same thing. Fame will grease the wheels to make meetings and opportunities easier. Success will show if you put effort into your craft. What do you want to be remembered for? 

kisses. m.

The Authentic Life

The Authentic Life

“The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard defines dread as the knowledge of what you must do to prove you’re free, even if it will destroy you. His example is Adam in the Garden of Eden, happy and content until God shows him the Tree of Knowledge and says, “Don’t eat this.” Now Adam is no longer free. There is one rule he can break, he must break, to prove his freedom, even if it destroys him. Kierkegaard says the moment we are forbidden to do something, we will do it. It is inevitable.

Monkey think, monkey do.

According to Kierkegaard, the person who allows the law to control his life, who says the possible isn’t possible because it is illegal, is leading an inauthentic life.

As Kierkegaard would say, every time we see what’s possible, we make it happen. We make it inevitable.

What’s coming is a million new reasons not to live your life. You can deny your possibility to succeed and blame it on something else. You can fight against everything… everything you pretend keeps you down. You can live Kierkegaard’s inauthentic life. Or you can make what Kierkegaard called your Leap of Faith, where you stop living as a reaction to circumstances and start living as a force for what you say should be.

What’s coming is a million reasons to go ahead.”

Monkey think, Monkey do. Stranger Than Fiction – Chuck Palahniuk.

Breaking laws to prove you’re free. Jumping the fence that says ‘no trespassing’ because you can. If something is possible does that necessarily mean inevitable? Tricky. Man has always challenged what is said to be impossible. What man can not do, he seeks out ways to defy and succeeds by challenging the rules to obtain freedom from restrictions.


If you think this endorses you to just go out and break any law, willy-nilly, then you’ve missed the point. Question why the law is there to begin with and comprehend why you have an opposition to it. Use your mind, not your reaction. Understand why you choose to break the law before breaking it. Unmanageable anarchy is not complete freedom. Riots are dangerous, created without order or purpose. Masses are a contained manifestation challenging the system. Rules are meant to be challenged and broken. This is why the constitution is amendable. Every system is flawed. Even the founding fathers knew that when they created this one. Dare to change, because you can. All revolutions start with a basic conviction behind them. Find it. Develop it. Represent it. Stand for what you love. Sacrifice yourself, doing it.


With everything, the roles can be reversed to benefit another side. Kierkegaard’s principle has negative connotations as well that I will not discuss in an avoidance of endorsing such things. Not that it will make them any less inevitable. That is the point isn’t it? Does what I put out there have the possibility of becoming certain? Does writing about a man with a gun shooting people, put the idea into action? Or making movie about a man dressed as a bat fighting crime dictate that there should be vigilante justice? Terrorism, Domestic violence, Hate crimes, Pedophiles, AIDS, Drugs, Muggings, Shootings, Rapes, etc. are often the by-products of imagination. Does this mean books and movies are bad? Fahrenheit 451… anyone?


Is this where society is? Afraid to live because something ‘might’ happen that we don’t want. Anti-theft devices are created to deter, instead they promote stealing to evolve to solve the problem. This same idea can be applied to weapons and wars. We want to know what will happen next so we can stop it if it isn’t what is ideal. I call this the “QUICK! Shoot it and kill it, before it attacks us first” mentality. If this is how we are thinking, then we are truly only working against ourselves. Use your mind not your reaction. Once we stop dreading the inevitable and let it happen, then we are free and most of the time it won’t destroy us. Just have to be willing to let it.


-m.

The Authentic Life

The Authentic Life

“The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard defines dread as the knowledge of what you must do to prove you’re free, even if it will destroy you. His example is Adam in the Garden of Eden, happy and content until God shows him the Tree of Knowledge and says, “Don’t eat this.” Now Adam is no longer free. There is one rule he can break, he must break, to prove his freedom, even if it destroys him. Kierkegaard says the moment we are forbidden to do something, we will do it. It is inevitable.

Monkey think, monkey do.

According to Kierkegaard, the person who allows the law to control his life, who says the possible isn’t possible because it is illegal, is leading an inauthentic life.

As Kierkegaard would say, every time we see what’s possible, we make it happen. We make it inevitable.

What’s coming is a million new reasons not to live your life. You can deny your possibility to succeed and blame it on something else. You can fight against everything… everything you pretend keeps you down. You can live Kierkegaard’s inauthentic life. Or you can make what Kierkegaard called your Leap of Faith, where you stop living as a reaction to circumstances and start living as a force for what you say should be.

What’s coming is a million reasons to go ahead.”

Monkey think, Monkey do. Stranger Than Fiction – Chuck Palahniuk.

Breaking laws to prove you’re free. Jumping the fence that says ‘no trespassing’ because you can. If something is possible does that necessarily mean inevitable? Tricky. Man has always challenged what is said to be impossible. What man can not do, he seeks out ways to defy and succeeds by challenging the rules to obtain freedom from restrictions.

If you think this endorses you to just go out and break any law, willy-nilly, then you’ve missed the point. Question why the law is there to begin with and comprehend why you have an opposition to it. Use your mind, not your reaction. Understand why you choose to break the law before breaking it. Unmanageable anarchy is not complete freedom. Riots are dangerous, created without order or purpose. Masses are a contained manifestation challenging the system. Rules are meant to be challenged and broken. This is why the constitution is amendable. Every system is flawed. Even the founding fathers knew that when they created this one. Dare to change, because you can. All revolutions start with a basic conviction behind them. Find it. Develop it. Represent it. Stand for what you love. Sacrifice yourself, doing it.

With everything, the roles can be reversed to benefit another side. Kierkegaard’s principle has negative connotations as well that I will not discuss in an avoidance of endorsing such things. Not that it will make them any less inevitable. That is the point isn’t it? Does what I put out there have the possibility of becoming certain? Does writing about a man with a gun shooting people, put the idea into action? Or making movie about a man dressed as a bat fighting crime dictate that there should be vigilante justice? Terrorism, Domestic violence, Hate crimes, Pedophiles, AIDS, Drugs, Muggings, Shootings, Rapes, etc. are often the by-products of imagination. Does this mean books and movies are bad? Fahrenheit 451… anyone?

Is this where society is? Afraid to live because something ‘might’ happen that we don’t want. Anti-theft devices are created to deter, instead they promote stealing to evolve to solve the problem. This same idea can be applied to weapons and wars. We want to know what will happen next so we can stop it if it isn’t what is ideal. I call this the “QUICK! Shoot it and kill it, before it attacks us first” mentality. If this is how we are thinking, then we are truly only working against ourselves. Use your mind not your reaction. Once we stop dreading the inevitable and let it happen, then we are free and most of the time it won’t destroy us. Just have to be willing to let it.

*Food for thought. Something I was amidst last night. Although, not certain if the thought is finished. It is interesting. Sprung out from some reading and research from a few days back. Then somehow ran into the same notion once again. Working on something new... excited to be. M.

Style Icon: Marilyn Monroe - "I just want to be wonderful"

"I'm not interested in money," she once said. "I just want to be wonderful."

"Throughout her life Marilyn Monroe occupied a series of residences, owned no jewelry and counted books, records and a picture of legendary actress Eleonora Duse among her most cherished possessions. Even after the attention-getting roles in The Asphalt Jungle and All About Eve (both 1950), she still kept a modest, one-room bedroom apartment at the Beverly Carlton Hotel in Beverly Hills. "

Marilyn Monroe. I've always admired this lady. I think people had the wrong impression of her. People just assume she was stupid because of the bombshell image. On the contrary she was quite intelligent. I like her simplicity. A woman can live without jewelry. I think there's something to be said about a woman who holds books as a prized possession over jewelry.

"The library of Marilyn Monroe contained over 400 books on a variety of subjects, reflecting both her intelligence and her wide-ranging interests. No surprise to those familiar with Monroe, they were the books of a well-read and inquiring mind. Works of Literature, Art, Drama, Biography, Poetry, Politics, History, Theology, Philosophy, and Psychology covered the walls in her library." Something remarkable.