People who gossip are about as pleasant and as likeable as people who are liars. Why? It's needless behavior. Yet, it persists. What can you do? It's simple. You do nothing. Let the person or people speaking of you or about others have their say. What you can do is excuse yourself and mention that you don't wish to discuss this person anymore. Descending into silence allows the conversation to persist and will only demonstrate your support for it.
Of course the gossip about moi has reached my ears. While I'm not perfect I refuse to discuss it and there's no need to defend myself. It's unnecessary. If people want to believe or perpetuate rumors then they are not people I want in my life.
The Dalai Lama insist you live in a way so no one believes the awful things others say. So that's all I can do. I suggest everyone do the same.
If you must spread news of someone, share how wonderful they are doing with others! Share how others can help or support them. Don't spread their misfortune. You change the world temperature by sharing good cheer and positive wishes.
However, if you feel the need to vent... try saying the awful things you wish to say out loud to yourself first. I'm sure a little alone time in your car, your bedroom or bathroom will do. If you find these unspeakable things too great to repeat to the person it's directed at or about then don't repeat it to others. Try rising to show kindness before descending into silence when others act badly.
Lady and gentleman rules: Do not speak badly of someone thinking it will better you. It will only make you look worse.
Here's a story about someone without kindness...
Enjoy!
Kisses, m.
Dick
(3-28-2011)
“Dick!”
An open-handed slap accompanies the sharp tongue attached to an irritated woman who has already stormed away as people look on in the otherwise quiet restaurant. It’s a face and name I haven’t seen or heard in a while, but that doesn’t make this moment any less satisfying to watch.
Most women never forget about Dick once they met him. I know cause I never could.
After his date left the table Richard Blackwood sat very still with a smug smile on his face and motioned for the waiter to bring over another bottle of wine. Richard Blackwood was used to hearing his name spoken in this manner. In fact he often took great pleasure in hearing it roll off the tongue of women. He most definitely enjoyed being the thing that rolled out of their mouths. And by ‘this manner’ I am of course referring to the condescending tone. However, to Richard when hearing his name the tone mattered very little at all. Not nearly as much as hearing them say it like that…
Dick.
Whether it was breathy, brash or baritone Richard Blackwood couldn’t seem to get enough when a woman said his name. And in the end they all said it.
Just like that.
Richard Blackwood was an arrogant man with a knack for making everything unpleasant. He insisted that everyone he met call him Dick. Some women often found this request a bit hard to swallow and were instantly offended. Dick took this opportunity to make their embarrassment as humiliating as possible. Often chastising those women by remarking, “Now a little Dick never hurts now and again, unless you want it to.”
To say he wasn’t a nice man would be a rash understatement. There wasn’t a single person that could stand Dick for more than five minutes. Something was awful in everything he said, especially about others. With his nasty attitude Dick could hardly be mistaken for a human being let alone find himself filled with any type of compassion.
And that was the proverbial icing on the cake.
For you see, Dick Blackwood had the ability to encourage others to see things as miserably as possible and relished in it. Dick could find the unhappiest person in a room and make them feel worse. If ever you doubted your position while standing on the window ledge twenty stories up, Dick would have no problem helping you find your motivation… to jump.
Honestly who wouldn’t after talking to Dick? You might jump, if meant getting away.
Although Dick was far from superior he had something a woman might put up a fight for. Something about the way he wore his pants too tight helped to demonstrate the reason that outweighed his obnoxiousness.
Some men are simply attractive by the qualities they possess. Charm. Finesse. Attitude. Dick wasn’t one of those kinds of men. Attractive came with the package. Like a hotel perk it was a great room with a view that happened to be located in the acid-tripping smoking section. And like the poorly misplaced hotel room, the self -serving arrogant condescending qualities were just the tip of the iceberg. Below the shallow surface lay a man that could only be described in one way…
DICK!
Dick is the kind of man your mother ought to have warned you about, except that chances are she probably wasted her time on him as well. For despite his shortcomings, he definitely had a way with women. An unprecedented way of getting them to do exactly as he wished before making sure they never stuck around for too long. At least that’s what he liked to believe. As with a man like Dick you have to understand he believes he has an agenda. Unbeknownst to him, this way with women had nothing to do with him.
You see, all a woman really wanted from Dick was to come between him and his pants and sometimes that meant more than she bargained for.
Someone might tell you a silence is worth a thousand words. Well that person never met Dick. Dick almost never shut up. He might tell you that your hair is all wrong or that you look like your left leg is shorter than your right. This is before telling you that you’re almost as pretty as the old woman sitting next to you. All of this and more guaranteed to get you to talk to him when talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do.
Somewhere between introducing himself and chatting with a woman he would start in. Slowly but surely he would look for a tiny vulnerability that guaranteed he wouldn’t stop talking. If only to prove that he was completely right by making you completely miserable, but by that point it’s too late. Invested in the stock of flesh and unable to pull out. You’re already in too far to turn back now.
Dick Blackwood happened to be anything but charming when he crossed my path. I met him on the street with his tight pants and unpleasantness. Something on the inside may have told me to go the other way when he said hello but instead I smiled back. And once he started in I couldn’t get enough. I found myself agreeing to so much more than dinner and drinks before I could stop.
Dick used insult and unpleasantness to get what he wanted. Thinking it worked, as it had so many times before, he continued because Dick liked it when he got his way. More than anything else he was contented to recognize this. So it came to me as no surprise when his lack of regard and vanity extended well beyond his introduction.
Dinner with Dick was an exercise in restraint. Everything he had learned about me became fodder for insult. It was always how I was inadequate and when I wasn’t the rest of the restaurant was completely worthless. And when the rest of the world wasn’t worthless he was telling about all the things he wanted to do after he took me home if I didn’t ruin things. My ruining things wasn’t the problem I had worried about when he kept talking. But he continued.
After the first course I stayed when wanted to leave. Even after I thought I had enough of him I remained. When I remember how I wanted to walk away from the table I was wondering how anyone got into bed with this man. Then I realized if I had walked away at dinner instead of putting up with a little more I might never have understood why women took as much as they did from Dick…
Control.
It was the piece of the man that you had right from the start.
When I think back to that night when I separated that man from his pants. I remember how I let Dick roll off my tongue more times than I can count. And I know what it was that I couldn’t forget. It was the power of knowing what sent that man spinning. Spinning because he thought he had the upper hand and knowing that in one word he couldn’t get enough. And remembering how I walked away from a man like that because it was my decision when I came and left from his life. Something smug continues to widen his grin across from me, when I realize what it is. As he’s pouring the wine his date is coming back. And I can’t blame her. I might have done the same thing.
Photo Credit: Tyler Shields
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