Character

What kind of person are you? Do you deliberately mistreat people or try to manipulate them into doing what you want? Well I don't. My personal policy with people is not to make others do things they do not wish to. Your character defines who you are and how you'll be perceived in this life. Being bad mannered or deliberately cruel when you don't get your way reflects upon you not others. I don't treat others badly when they treat me badly. I simply remain compassionate by giving them space when their behavior is disappointing & enjoy my life. I understand that they want something but passive aggressive behavior will not get it. Being up front with others may get you what you desire. 

Why don't I retaliate? Some people thrive on a reaction while others are simply fighting with themselves. Anyhow it won’t really help matters to hurt others back.

Ok, today I’ll give you a Buddhist answer… In Buddhism, when seeking truths and wisdom you come to realize that you cannot change a person’s character & you can only accept and appreciate them the way they are. A person’s behavior can modified a bit for a short time but not forced or manipulated to permanently change. You will find yourself angry, frustrated and quite let down if you continue to try to change others. They must desire to change on their own for they are autonomous and free to do as they wish. Even if it means deliberately trying to hurt you. The choice you have… putting yourself in a position to get hurt or not. 

In essence you don’t place your happiness in things you can’t control. You can’t control people but you can control yourself. Once you understand this you will be happier and life will change. 

There’s a parable that demonstrates the true nature of character. I can tell it two ways but I'll share the Buddhist version.

There were two monks walking through the forest after a rainstorm. As they passed a small puddle they saw a scorpion drowning in the water. One of the monks bent down and reached out to help the scorpion. As soon as he tried to assist the frantic creature, it stung his fingers and he dropped the Scorpion back into the puddle. The monk tried again to reach out to the struggling creature and once again dropped the scorpion when he was stung. The other monk was confused by his actions but looked on quietly. Finally after numerous efforts, the other monk inquired, “Why do you keep trying to help that creature? It stings you every time you go near it.” The monk smiled and reached down once more. “It is his nature to sting, it is my nature to help. Soon the pain of his sting will stop hurting me and he will be saved, or he will stop being afraid and be saved. You cannot stop compassion so easily.” This time as the Scorpion stung the Monk once again he took a leaf from the ground and helped the Scorpion out to safety. 

People treat others how they wish to be treated. Some people are accustomed to giving & receiving hurt back. You don’t stop being yourself because of others unkindness. You continue to treat others kindly, if that is who you are. Being cruel to someone who is cruel to you will do no good. If your heart is angry and resentful looking for the moment to make someone pay for what they've done to you; then you are never going to be happy. They are accustomed to being mistreated and expect you to respond unkindly.

It may be hard when people lash out and act badly but realize it is about them, not you. The simple answer for appreciating friends, family and strangers is this: Love them just as they are without expectations. Try receiving others without regret, judgment or expectations. 

When somebody needs my help, I try to use my wisdom, love and compassion and find a way to help them. Similar to the monk I rely upon knowing myself and my limitations when entering situations with others, but understand that only they can decide to change.

Here’s a new story from the hair series I’ve been on and off working on. It was a little something inspired by a lot of change this year. And yes D Vol 2 is done along with a few other things. I don't know if I'll release the stories on the blog or just in the Amazon store. But I am thinking of releasing a bit of darkness on the blog for the month of Halloween... Anyhoo, I'm excited for all the books to come out? Are you? 

Do you try to manipulate & control others or do you control yourself? 

Enjoy! 

Kisses, m. 

Change

“You changed.” He says when I walk through the door. I wanted to surprise him when I returned.

I miss his smile but he's not smiling when he says the words. I can't read if it's disappointment or hurt that I didn't tell him I would come.

“Yes, do you like?” I pause cautiously.

“It's darker. Your hair. And longer. You're thinner. Are you...?”

“Fine. I'm fine. I needed to be healthy and my hair did too.”

Stepping closer he touches my face and turns my head. His touch feels distant and foreign when he caresses my neck and runs his fingers through the length of my hair. 

“How are you?” I interrupt him before he can lean in to kiss me. 

“Wondering why you didn't tell me. Where've you been for the last week? It's bad enough I can't see you cause you're miles away but to avoid my calls. And then show up like this? Like a stranger.”

Tightly gripping my hair he realizes his anger and let’s go. Grabbing his waist I pull before he can walk away. 

“I wanted to surprise you. I missed you and wrapped things up quickly. It took all week. 

“You scared me.”

“I didn't mean to.”

“When did you change?”

“The weight has been gradual but the hair is new. It's a little messy but...”

”It's perfect... Don't change a thing.” He says pulling me closer.

"Nothing?" I look into his eyes for reassurance.

"No." He says running his fingers across the small of my back and kissing the top of my head. 

"Really? I can think of something I would change right now?"

"What's that?" He leans back, smiling with that grin I've been missing for too long.

"Kiss me and never let me go again."

"We can do that."