Choice is yours

It’s not quite raining out and I'm talking to & watching them smoke in the almost rain again. It reminds me that I was once told...

You have cigarette smokers envy.

It sounds worst than it is. 

I'm not really jealous or bitter. 

No really I'm not.

Wait. 

Before you call me a liar.

Remember I can catch the knives now.

Smoking kills and yet

Smoking is a freedom to choose.

I don't truly get a choice.

I didn't choose vegetarianism. 

The universe chose for me.

It wasn't a Q&A situation.

I wasn't asked. 

I was given consequences.

They are bad. 

Hence... 

No eating meat.

Cigarettes are like that.

I like breathing & being healthy. 

Cigs on a regular or daily basis make that impossible.

My body chose this for me. 

I want a cheeseburger sometimes.

Steak too. 

Sorry Cows. And PETA.

The universe gives you what you need. 

I think I need a steak. 

My body knows it doesn't.

My body doesn't need a cigarette.

I do give it one on occasion.

So it's not judgement when I talk shit.

It's just in good fun.

Fun the way my friend's or date's still offer me bites of their chicken pasta before laughing at my reluctance.

Judgement is a bad habit.

Smoking is a bad habit too.

You are capable of both.

The point is you have a choice. 

Do or don't?

I used to smoke.

Everyday.

Long time back.
I don't really anymore.

They know this.

A pack a week became two.

Then my body said no more.

Two steaks a week maybe four.

Then my body said no more.

It's why they call my situation envious.

I'm more envious of someone enjoying a Kobe steak than their Marlboro reds, blacks or golds. 

I will fuck with you

If you fuck with me.

My so called envy may get me a sinus infection and bronchitis. As I suck back on a Camel menthol I bummed to start a convo & calm the nerves my insides will freak for a few days.

But a "1 Pack 2 Pack, Red Pack Blue Pack a week" habit could get you emphysema, a trach pipe or death.

Shall we fuck around with this?

Oh yes, let's... Not.

I don't expect you to quit.

I don't expect you to listen.

I don't expect you to change.

Do you expect me to start, copy and change to match you unhealthily?

It's weird. 

I don't want to.

I like me.

As me.

Do you like you?

As you?

It's ok to like me. 

I like you.

But know that I like you as you.

Not when you're trying to be me.

Granted sometimes I don't love myself enough when I take a drag.

And I will savor that secondhand smoke in a cool collected calm knowing I can walk away.

But I'm not judging.

I'm a tourist visiting the island of nicotine. You are a resident who can leave anytime.

Often I enjoy cigars with or without a glass of wine... Unapologetically. 

Want to visit cigar bar island?

Hi, I'm Monica and I'll be your guide this evening. 

Smoking or non-smoking section?

Drinking or non-drinking section?

Buddhism frowns upon drinking & smoking. 

Buddha doesn't frown on me.

People do. 

I'm guess I'm not their kind of Buddhist.

Oh no?

Oh well.

I drink. 

And rarely but on occasion I smoke.

It calms my nerves.

So I bum a cig.

Intro to a new friend.

It doesn't happen often.

Drinking happens more.

I wished cheeseburgers happened more often.

Bum a taste.

Just a bite.

Convo starter.

Can we be friends?

Hold on I'm gonna be sick.

You think its funny.

It's not funny.

The universe thinks its funny.

It's not funny.

I think its funny. 

It's not funny.

It's funny!

Liar?

Look...

I'll keep the knives and use them on my imaginary steak and you can smoke a bubblegum cigarette. 

Ok?

Cool.

I'm not perfect. 

Buddha doesn't care.

It matters to me.

My path is my own.

My mind & body are mine to care for.

You belong to you. 

To care for.

I know what works for me 

And what doesn't. 

Do you know what works for you?

Or do you like to fit?

I prefer knowing.

Although...

Ignorance is bliss.

Don't smoke?

Don't start.

Don't eat meat?

Don't start.

You can't miss what you never had.

I do miss the taste of steak like a memory I dreamed of once that's imagined but feels so real. 

But the memory is fading.

I do miss the calm that only the first drag off a cigarette can give you. 

It's only the first drag. 

I could press repeat!

I'm not envious of the smoking.

Not even jealous of steaks and burgers.

I love having the freedom of choice.

I choose to be free this morning

Waiting for the rain while sucking in the fresh air of...

Pollution.

We are our own obstacles. 

Get out of your own way.

Kisses, 

m.