Found

Of course you turn around there you find yourself. Sometimes you find yourself in love again or making a new friend or losing love & friends. Our path finds us where we need to be. I am found... mostly writing alot of fiction these days. I want love but remind myself that I am love & have love within. Love attracts love. :) 

So... Writing has been filling up almost everyday with few days break here and there for a while now. I do want to stop but my instincts guide me to press further in. It's amazing to be in the new space of being able to keep going. 

For people who have asked what I am working on... D vol 2: The D-Women, Full Intention (book?), TIA and a new group of 400s. I have a few things I want to publish soon. 

Anyway, this is a new piece. New in the sense as...  I wrote it in late January or early February. I'm hesitant to say more, only that I did say I wasn't writing about my past loves... well this was written before that notion came upon me. And I hold firm to that. There will be no personal work newer to the already completed pieces. Unless my future paramour encourages it...  

The piece is a 400 about missing someone. I will say it was not a lover. But someone I loved in my past not about this year or present moment. And Yet you will see what you want & internalize or displace onto others or yourselves... Fuck it people will think what they want as they've always done! I'm thinking of Matisse! 

Enjoy!
Kisses, m. 

Missing

(2-23-2014)

I miss him. 

Part of me does.

I shouldn’t but I do. 

His hair, his big smile. 

The way he stares into my eyes when he’s talking. 

It’s like there’s no one else in the world when he is talking. 

And I can’t help but match his smile.

Watch his eyes. Let the moment happen.

Happy. Relaxed. 

Calm. 

And then I ruin the moment. 

Because I wonder if he misses me. 

Logic tells me he shouldn't. 

It stings. 

For a moment I accept my world without him.

I have to. 

Because these are mere breathes. 

We both have to return to our lives. 

This is something I knew from the time we met. 

I knew he couldn’t stay 

But I decided to love him anyway. 

My instincts guided me to openly embrace a love for him. 

Trust his smile, his presence.

Feel the warmth and energy of his aura deep within my heart.

Actively engage in the time we have together.

I felt differently for him instantly.

Perhaps even before we met. 

The first time I saw his eyes.

Their electricity drew me in.

My soul always longed to know them.

Then it did. 

And the world dropped away.

Once we met it wasn’t new but it was different.

I knew I’d never feel for another man this way.

I could feel a sense, a freedom from loving him.

In brief moments we stand still

My soul reaches toward his. 

And his soul reaches out toward mine. 

Yet we don’t allow a connection to grow

Before walking away.

In small instances...

I wonder if he’s thought of me in my absence. 

I wonder if he’s ever stopped to visualize me. 

I wonder if he’s thought of my eyes and my smile the same as I think of his.

And all of this wondering serves no tangible purpose in reality. 

It’s my heart thinking for my head and hoping for something that has yet to be. 

Calm fills my heart as my mind realizes and accepts this

Without him I fall backwards into my thoughts. 

Yet I release my urge to cling.

My energy embraces the entirety of who he is. 

I can see his eyes, feel his breath and recall the touch of his hands.

In his absence I make no demands or beg for completeness

Because I know soon this absence will all be no more than…

A Memory.