Joy

Joy. What's joy to you? Enjoying an soothing blissful embrace vs an embrace to soothe unblissful tears. Yeah you know which one I'd prefer. ;) Life's too beautiful and the journey to short to quarrel! Let's...

 

Fuck! Crying! Especially over shit you can't control. You can't own or control people. 

 

Blowing off things you want to do in order to please someone else, like a paramour... Well that's a waste of your time and talent. If you blow shit off... do it for yourself! Why? If someone asked you to or tried to block you from doing something, they don't respect you and that's not love. Doing it for yourself is self love. It's not a failure. 

 

Love lifts & encourages! It doesn't suffocate, tie you up or down, cut off your arms, legs or hair, complain about your absence and demand to own you. People who love you miss you, yet they continue to have their own life.

 

People choose to suffer needlessly and yep they will manipulate you to make themselves happy. Fuck em. I cry when I'm upset or in pain... Beyond that, eh? I do my best not indulge the whim... For too long. If I do I get help... And I am not inadequate for that. 

 

Life's simple. Just let it happen. Make yourself happy. If you can't. Try to stop worrying. Try to stop controlling people & things. Let them happen. They will happen anyway. Chaos is fucking magic. Create it. Embrace it. Run toward it. Get angry if you want. It's a valid feeling too. Do not place your happiness in things you can not control. There will be pain in other places, don’t look for it or create it.

 

Here's a 400.

Enjoy the ride!

I am! Oh and even though it's been a minute... I know my favorite Ken is enjoying it too! He almost always does! So I really don't worry. 

Are you enjoying yourself? Hmm... Why aren't you?

Kisses, m.

Crying

(4-6-2010)

Crying. Deep within my throat it starts. The tightness thickens until it’s hard to swallow. There are no more words between us. I’m upset. Something he knows without asking. Blinking and swallowing. My ego attempting to lick its wounds and maintain a sense of poise. A thousand things I want to say yet I can not form them into words.

Speechless. Unable to vocalize my hurt, I can only manage to stand still. Instead of exuding a cool calm I appear shell-shocked. Eyes pool with a watery grace as he stares me down. He is the representation of perfect composure. Anger fills my chest and it restricts. Calmly his eyes assess my body actions. Heart beating out of control. Afraid of the next moment when I loose myself to the emotions.

The heat of the first drop of saline against my cheek sends me spinning around. I can not face this battle in weakness. Like a wounded solider I’m bleeding out. Salty fluid slides down the side of my face burning lines into the skin as it moves downward. Before I can manage to walk away he reaches from behind slowly wrapping both of his arms around my chest. Sobs expel out into the quiet.

Screaming for release until there’s no air. Chokes of saliva mixed with tears of anger reach out into the stillness. Both of my arms wrestle to break free of his grasp. Tightly he embraces my raging body and rests his head upon my shoulder. Saline continues to flow liberally from my sealed eyes. Blinded by the uncontrollable tantrum, a fury storms within. His arms hold firm as his breath remains constant against my neck. Two secure anchors pulling me in close to keep the wild emotion from wandering away with my mind.

Hurt for all the wrong reasons. Pain that translates into agonizing cries. Unable to see the argument in perspective. Calm steady heartbeats pound against my back. His collected movements attempt to calm the disorder within. Weeping has replaced the outburst. Slowly he loosens his grip without letting go. Tender words provide a haven to my troubled mind. Restraint becomes an embrace. Wails replaced by whimpers. Peacefully I begin to lean into the folds of his arms. Liquid escapes down my cheek as the frenzy diminishes into sadness. Around he spins my conceding form. Face to face. Gently wipes the tears from my eyes.