200 days

days go by. 2011

"This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone." 

- Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk

Would you ever give into the idea of chaos? Let go? Could you stop a regular habit if it meant you might never be able to do it again? In essence destroy what you think you need to do to in order to see what else there is. What has really been left behind? Is it worth continuing to focus on? Needless to say it was worth the risk to let go and find out. 

Someone once insisted that I give up "the fantasy" of it all for Lent... ie: 40 days. And I couldn't do it back then. At the time I think I believed that meant giving up "Hope" and it isn't that at all. There is something that happens when you stop trying to control things and it isn't a lack of Hope. You see, as long as you're alive you have Hope. 

With that in mind...

For the last 200 days I've given up a handful of things for 40 days [or more] each. Walked away from these things that I thought would define me or destroy me. And they didn't. The first thing, it was truly the hardest to give up and the longest to be without, the writing. It's been 200 days since I've penned anything original or new. Sequentially other things followed one by one. The last thing to go happened to be the blog. It's been 40 days. Would you like to see it change? All things must come to... 

What's to come? Anything is in the air... How about you? What could you, would you or will you do to change things up in your own way? Just remember change is a good thing. Quarters or pennies? 

kisses.

-m.