Shouldn't have happened this way.

Shouldn't have happened this way.

(11-14-09)

Shouldn’t have happened this way. As a prisoner in the dark trunk of this old car sandwiched between two dead men, I lie here thinking just that. Somehow things went completely wrong, and I’m soon to find myself cooperating with the business end of a shovel. 

I should have seen this coming. It would have worked if I hadn’t walked back through the door. Things went all according to plan. Three vehicles; the van for ammo and reinforcements, the getaway car allowing timely departure and the van carrying the meds for any wounded. No one should have been killed. Leave none behind. That was his plan and yet here I am waiting to have my head severed from my body; along with my counterparts I would be burned and buried in a remote corner of the world.

There are times when a person questions the choices made and wonders what could have happened if the circumstances were different. No one would be dead, I wouldn’t be waiting for death, and the plan may have gone off without a hitch.

At least I’m still armed. In the waistband of my jeans there’s a gun. It couldn’t matter less as there’s no escape from this. Shoot a hole through the trunk? Using the gun to gain freedom my can serve no good purpose. My escape would result in an eventual death.

Mine.

But I knew the stakes going in. Pulling the gun on him would eliminate my current dilemma. However, those counterparts in this mass network of crime would undoubtedly track me down and end my life without question. Yet, the only solution to my present circumstances is to kill this man. Premeditating my crime, silently encased between the only friends I have left, as this car cruises towards its final destination.

The car comes to a stop. Red hue of brake lights blankets the interior of the compartment. White skin of my neighbor reflects off the high scarlet brilliance. Shifting of the bodies pushes me into the center of the trunk. Tightly packed in, swaddled in the comfort of death.

Near the front of the vehicle I can hear movement. There’s a voice approaching the car. Movement within the vehicle indicates that he’s getting out.

Door opens and slams closed. Booming altos disagree in a symphonic melody that ends in the sound of a lone gun firing. Listening intently the sounds of the exterior are still close. Steady myself and prepare. There’s only one chance at this.

Car rocks gently. Latch of the trunk releases. Steps fall loudly near the rear of the car and stop. External light enters the space. Fingers reach in. My eyes wait for the prize. Open. Large figure towers down over me. Shoot. Quickly falling backwards and down goes this shadow.

Climbing out of the moving tomb, it’s clear as day, I’ve hit the wrong person. A uniformed officer lies out along this deserted dirt road with a hole in his head. Along the side of the car there’s his body, the evil mastermind is dead. I need to get away. Get as much distance as I can from this mess. It really shouldn’t have happened this way... yet it did.

Ever have the opportunity to ride in the trunk of a car? Do you even want to know my answer to that question? This is really old and it's never been up a second time. So why not? Anyway... all aside the point.  

Have you ever said that "It shouldn't have happened this way" after the fact of a situation? You can keep telling yourself that but it won't change a thing. I know because I used to think that and blame my circumstances for... everything. A friend of mine probably remembers that too. kisses. A lot can change with your attitude and perspective. 

The truth of the matter is... there is only one way it could happen after it's already happened. You can't change the past. You can work on the present because that and that alone affects the future of any situation. You have to forget the things that happened or in some cases that didn't happen. And work on what needs to happen now. If there's been a mistake, miscommunication or etc. then you find another way. You dig? 

Do you want to know the difference between a victim and a survivor? A victim dwells in the past and relives the same pain over and over again by their own choosing. A survivor realizes what's happened, accepts the pain and moves through the present with the mindset to not make the same mistake again. Mistakes will happen though. It's important to learn from them. And remember sometimes people make the same ones twice. Don't be too hard on yourselves or anyone else. People who challenge you are the ones that teach you the most in this life. They're around for a reason. 

Anyway... there's a couple more coming. enjoy the night, the day, the life, the love and keep breathing. enjoy. kisses. m.