No one can hear you scream.

No one can hear you scream. 

(11/21/09)

No one can hear you scream. Absence of sound. They say within the vacuum of space, there’s no sound. That’s not entirely true. See, the last thing I’ll ever hear is the sound of my own voice screaming inside my head as I drift off into nothingness.

Disconnected. Drifting. Severed from all communication. The Lander gently spirals through a sea of unending night. Blackness meeting light with slow rotation. My own pale reflection graces the bay window as the Lander comes about, pointing us directly toward the lunar shadow in the far distance. In the span I’m able to just make out the lights of the ‘Apollo’ colony against a sea of blue. The blue within my pupil seems to come alive. World within a world. Shudder. Somehow that view always sends chills up my spine. 

Lander 5. Do you read? That was the last link to external life. As the doors sealed me in, the only thing reaching out was that voice. Somehow the mission went horribly wrong and there was nothing left to do but run. The only way out of the compartment is the venting system. Armed with the code key and the necessary tools, I make my way towards the damage. I would need to make the repairs alone. No one could be trusted since my two crewmates had turned and cut me off. 

‘Scout, can you handle this on your own?’ My father used to always ask me before sending me off to school. Each and every day I’d reassure him, I had it under control. But the knot in my stomach disagrees with my usual confidence. For the first time in my life I’m not certain things will be fine. I can honestly say I doubt I’ll make it out. The communications grid is offline and the landing gear on the port side has a fracture, needing dire repair. The window for repair is slim, as the window for re-entry is quickly approaching. My own admission to hating the walks doesn’t stop me from handling the repairs. Of course navigating the maze of the communications grid would be a minimal challenge, but the repairs on the exterior would be quite intensive. 

Alarm paralyzes my mind. Section by section continues to shut down as I work quickly to repair the grid. It’s no use. The others are still working against me. My movements are being sabotaged from within the sealed portions of the Lander. I can not see my enemy, but I know all too well what’s happening. “Scout, cease your activities and return to the main cabin.” The voice of my co-pilot fills the compartment, as I continue to work. Soon there would be no chance of internal communication as the grid begins to fail. Time to move on there’s no hope for the grid. 

Despite the efforts of my crewmates, I remain a step ahead. Managing to suit up and grab a few extra tools I quickly move toward the exterior doors. Scrambling unseen from within I can hear alarms sounding as doors cascade shut in an attempt to seal me off from reaching the damaged port gears. No matter as I’ve reached my destination. Tethered to the Lander by a small cord, I navigate slowly toward the fracture. The damage is greater than I could have imagined, yet I have to try to make the necessary repairs. Settling in next to the break I begin this work. My concentrated efforts are falling short. Small pieces around the break continue to drop away and the opening widens. When it seems all hope is lost, I start to make headway. Just as the seal has finally become secure, a large shadow moves towards me.

A lone figure moves towards me, armed and motioning for me to step back. “Scout you’re done sabotaging, now get up and walk towards me. I don’t want to shoot but if you continue with this course of action we’ll all be killed.” Continuing to step forward he pushes the gun against my suit. Despite the thickness of my uniform, it isn’t a match for this weapon. Gracefully, I maneuver myself into a position to face my opponent. 

“Sabotage? You disabled the external communications and sealed me off from the rest of the ship…” The blank stare of disbelief crosses the enemy and changes immediately to disgust as I’ve uttered this accusation. 

Pressing the weapon harder into my suit and using force to grab at my arm. “Scout, you disabled the communications! We sealed you in… After you killed them! Don’t you remember? Come with me now.”

“NO! NO! NO! There are only three of us. No one is dead! I’ve been working to make repairs to save us and you’ve being trying to stop me. Enough. You’re mad! I have to finish.” Looking down, I attempt to remove my arm from his grip. My tool within reach, I motion towards it, when something catches my eye…

“Scout, there are four people dead in the main cabin. Come back and I’ll show you.” His voice pauses for a response, but I have none as my eyes are completely locked. “If you need proof, look at what you’re doing! The hole in the ship you’ve created!” Eyes are completely enraptured by the beauty of my work. The gaping expanse that remains created by removing the landing gears. The work is incomplete. It must be finished. Methodically, I motion him to move us back toward the doors. In my mind it is certain… I have to kill him. Necessary casualty.

Slowly we make our way toward the door. As he pulls my arm along there is just enough freedom in my other arm that grips a large… WAIT! The large weapon makes contact with my suit and I’ve dropped my tool. Down. Losing Air. Quickly as I watch, he’s unhooking my tether and opening the doors. Just before he enters, one last shot and I’m completely free. Movements are spinning out of control. There’s no chance of securing myself. Rapidly my powerless body drifts out and away.

Peaceful and serene is the black landscape painted all around me. My final moments should be filled with stillness. Nothing. Yet the sounds of my tortured mind continue to tear and haunt. There’s only a matter of minutes left for me to live and I’m completely certain these sounds will follow me into death. 

This seemed appropriate for this evening. Also it leads up to the next one in a weird way. And if you’ve never read it… Enjoy? kisses. m.