Was told the other day... "You're still fighting yourself. Stop it!" This came from my favorite zen master, my baby sis. She'd told me this months ago. And I thought I'd conceded. Apparently I had... just maybe not enough.
The funny thing is... we all do this. Deny ourselves the capacity to do something great in favor of hurting ourselves. Whenever you say "I'm not worth it" or "I'll never be good enough for..." that's it. That's the fight. You deserve everything you think you do but you must earn and work at it. You are as good enough as you allow yourself to believe. The part of you that wants good things demands that you stop beating it up. Knock it off.
The funny thing is... we all do this. Deny ourselves the capacity to do something great in favor of hurting ourselves. Whenever you say "I'm not worth it" or "I'll never be good enough for..." that's it. That's the fight. You deserve everything you think you do but you must earn and work at it. You are as good enough as you allow yourself to believe. The part of you that wants good things demands that you stop beating it up. Knock it off.
For myself... This only solution in my mind. So I'm going to take off the gloves and hang them up. Be willing to take the punch in the face from the world and not myself. Even if it's the blow that can knock me out. It can't be that bad. I'm taking off the armor and not putting up any defenses. A little pain now and again isn't the worst thing that can happen. My advice to all of you... take back a little of your own. And stop fighting yourself. You can do it. Promise.
For now, I'm preparing for the next slew of writing, hopefully it won't BREAK me. Kisses. M.
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